I bet you thought that I was dead.
Or maybe you didn't think twice.
Either way, it's been a hiatus. To try and get a bearing on how long it's been, my last entry was the night of my fantasy football draft, which was right before the start of the NFL. The Eagles, as we all know, are 5-6. So it's been roughly 12 weeks since I last "blogged" (really gotta be careful with that word).
Now I know it seems like 12 weeks is a long time, and I guess it equates to 3 months, so yeah, it is a long time. But don't you ever judge my commitment to this blog.
So you know how seriously I take this, I am typing without the aid of my left index finger, which has a cut right on the tip.
I don't really like to use this forum to discuss my life, but prefer to talk about universal ideas, things everyone can relate to.
However, I am recently back from a bus trip to Boston for the Eagles-Pats game and I wanna talk about it.
To make it bearable we will use a number system.
1. 22 males, age 22-24 on a bus from Philly to Boston.
2. Maybe a thousand beers? I really don't know. Everyone brought a 30 pack so you do the math. Plus there was plenty of vodka, rum, tequila, and also black haus.
3. Only 1 person got arrested, though they did get charged with assault and resisiting arrest (i don't think he's allowed back in massachusetts).
4. I got punched in the face by a girl.
5. When I woke up Monday morning, after a heroic game by the Birds, there was a fish in my bathtub. We're not talking about goldfish here. This thing had to be 3 lbs. Bigger than my hand. That was the kind of trip it was.
So there's the quick hits. Half the things that took place went down in the "black out hours" and nobody will ever remember, unless we get one of those personal video cameras like I talked about back in April. But still, a great job all around.
Looking forward, the Birds are 5-6 and hopefully about to make a playoff push. McNabb could well be on his way out the door. The Sixers are in total rebuilding mode but at least they have a direction, the Flyers are playing like broad street bullies, and the Phils are one or two more arms away from making a serious playoff push this year...and a chance for a 3rd straight MVP if Chase does his thing and stays healthy.
For now, we will get ready for the holiday season, maybe I will blog again. At the least, you can expect...wait, that's too strong a word....you can hope for a nice year-end review, kind of a say goodbye to 2007 deal.
I'm already getting teary-eyed.
Oh, and furthermore susan, I set a personal record for eagles games attended this year with three - all very memorable: Lions (thrashing), Bears (stomach punch finish), and Pats (the game of the year, so far).
Go Birds!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Yeah, I Got Him In My Other League....
My first fantasy football draft of the year takes place in about a half hour.
That's right, my first...because you have to specify these days.
I'm in 3 leagues this year.
Didn't even plan for that to happen, it just kind of did.
I have a feeling 3 is too many.
2 would be OK, although up to this point I've only been in 2 in my entire life (one of which I won).
I can see myself either giving about 75% effort to all three, or maybe 100% effort to one, casual glances at another, and the cold shoulder to the third.
Which is not a good strategy, but I can't bail at this point.
So 3 it is.
Hopefully I don't bail on any, because it can be a long season.
Last year I was battling among 4th, 5th, and 6th place, made the playoffs as the #4 seed, then went on to beat LJ in the playoffs and LT in our championship.
Not a bad day's work for a guy who got stuck up at Penn State because of Ernesto, missed the live draft, and got stuck w/ Dominick Davis as my #1 running back.
Thank you, free agent rookies Joseph Addai and Maurice Jones-Drew (MoJo for short).
Anyway, the funniest part about fantasy is that every guy likes to talk about their team, and every guy hates hearing about somebody else's team.
Who the f- does this guy think he is?
I will say to myself, as a friend tells me how they picked up a great free agent, or got screwed by an injury or back-up running back.
Why does he think I care about his stupid league and his retarded fantasy players?
Then I will patiently wait until a pause in his story so I can say,
Oh yeah, listen to this, I had Darrell Jackson last week and he caught an 80-yard pass only to get tackled at the 1, then my opponent's RB got the touchdown!
I mean, pretty good story, right?
If it happened to you, you would be bragging.
Or crying, or whatever it is we do with our fantasy stories.
But please, if it does happen to you, spare me the details.
I've got better things to talk about.
Like the time Chicago's defense single-handedly won a fantasy game for me but lost a bet I had made on the Cardinals.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, don't ever bet on the Cardinals!
One quick tip before I go: Fresh running backs in fresh jerseys (T. Henry, W. McGahee).
Don't say I didn't warn you.
That's right, my first...because you have to specify these days.
I'm in 3 leagues this year.
Didn't even plan for that to happen, it just kind of did.
I have a feeling 3 is too many.
2 would be OK, although up to this point I've only been in 2 in my entire life (one of which I won).
I can see myself either giving about 75% effort to all three, or maybe 100% effort to one, casual glances at another, and the cold shoulder to the third.
Which is not a good strategy, but I can't bail at this point.
So 3 it is.
Hopefully I don't bail on any, because it can be a long season.
Last year I was battling among 4th, 5th, and 6th place, made the playoffs as the #4 seed, then went on to beat LJ in the playoffs and LT in our championship.
Not a bad day's work for a guy who got stuck up at Penn State because of Ernesto, missed the live draft, and got stuck w/ Dominick Davis as my #1 running back.
Thank you, free agent rookies Joseph Addai and Maurice Jones-Drew (MoJo for short).
Anyway, the funniest part about fantasy is that every guy likes to talk about their team, and every guy hates hearing about somebody else's team.
Who the f- does this guy think he is?
I will say to myself, as a friend tells me how they picked up a great free agent, or got screwed by an injury or back-up running back.
Why does he think I care about his stupid league and his retarded fantasy players?
Then I will patiently wait until a pause in his story so I can say,
Oh yeah, listen to this, I had Darrell Jackson last week and he caught an 80-yard pass only to get tackled at the 1, then my opponent's RB got the touchdown!
I mean, pretty good story, right?
If it happened to you, you would be bragging.
Or crying, or whatever it is we do with our fantasy stories.
But please, if it does happen to you, spare me the details.
I've got better things to talk about.
Like the time Chicago's defense single-handedly won a fantasy game for me but lost a bet I had made on the Cardinals.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, don't ever bet on the Cardinals!
One quick tip before I go: Fresh running backs in fresh jerseys (T. Henry, W. McGahee).
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Holy Diver!
If I'm in line for a beer at a Phillies game, with my back to the action, and I hear Dirty Laundry come on, I know exactly what is happening.
Pat Burrell is thinking about new ways to strike out.
When those first few guitar notes from Kashmir start playing, I know Chase Utley is up, and I like our chances.
Same too with the latest hot-to-deaf rap single, because I know that either Jimmy Rollins or Ryan Howard is batting.
And that, right there, is one of the best parts about going to a baseball game: listening to each player's at-bat music.
You can really tell a lot about a person by their entrance music.
For instance, J-Roll and Howard both come out to the latest hits, but I bet J-Roll specifically asks for certain songs, whereas Howard just asks for whatever is hot.
And I can guarantee that when Utley was interrupted from his pre-, or post, or off-season routine, that he quickly, and with zero nonsense, answered "Kashmir. Every time. Never ask me again."
What makes Pat Burrell so damn lovable, other than his penchant for striking out swinging and looking, is his song choice. For the longest time it was Holy Diver, which is just a totally ridiculous selection.
He finally changes, and picks Dirty Laundry.
I mean, what the hell was going through his head?
Maybe he was out at a bar or just hanging at some stripper's apartment during the off-season and he heard that song for the first time.
I can totally see that moment blowing him away.
Picture Pat in his element, drinking beers, laughing and having a good time, when Dirty Laundry comes on the iPod and he hears the song for the very first time.
It just totally stops him in his tracks and he thinks to himself: this is the greatest song in the history of the world.
Then, when he shows up to spring training, and other players are unloading their equipment and gear and important papers and stuff, pat just has one thing, a hand-scrawled note on a napkin that says "change song to dirty laundery."
He just looks at it and nods.
It's going to be a good year.
It takes hard work to be the most overpaid player in major league baseball.
Anyway, tons of other players have good songs and good reasons for their selection (sometimes)
I'm not going to go into some examples, but I will say that Michael Myers comes out to the Halloween music, Ken Griffey comes out to Ridin' Dirty by Cha'millionaire, and some guy comes out to the Sanford and Son theme music.
But what would you come out to?
Obvious answer is Hell's Bells or Enter Sandman.
Those are perfect, especially for a closer, but they have already been taken and you need to choose a song that has never been used before.
Next obvious answer would be Why Can't We Be Friends.
Because that would be funny.
But there's gotta be some songs that are just made for this type of thing, and I would like to think of one.
Ummm.......
....
...
...
Ballroom Blitz?
I Wanna Get High?
I Walk the Line?
No, I think Pat already nailed it.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
People love it when you lose,
they love dirty laundry.
And furthermore susan, i coulda been an actor, but i wound up here, just have to look good, i dont have to be clear. come and whisper in our ear give us dirty laundry.
dirty little secrets dirty little lies we got our dirty little fingers in everybods pie we love to cut you down to size we love dirty laundry.
Pat Burrell is thinking about new ways to strike out.
When those first few guitar notes from Kashmir start playing, I know Chase Utley is up, and I like our chances.
Same too with the latest hot-to-deaf rap single, because I know that either Jimmy Rollins or Ryan Howard is batting.
And that, right there, is one of the best parts about going to a baseball game: listening to each player's at-bat music.
You can really tell a lot about a person by their entrance music.
For instance, J-Roll and Howard both come out to the latest hits, but I bet J-Roll specifically asks for certain songs, whereas Howard just asks for whatever is hot.
And I can guarantee that when Utley was interrupted from his pre-, or post, or off-season routine, that he quickly, and with zero nonsense, answered "Kashmir. Every time. Never ask me again."
What makes Pat Burrell so damn lovable, other than his penchant for striking out swinging and looking, is his song choice. For the longest time it was Holy Diver, which is just a totally ridiculous selection.
He finally changes, and picks Dirty Laundry.
I mean, what the hell was going through his head?
Maybe he was out at a bar or just hanging at some stripper's apartment during the off-season and he heard that song for the first time.
I can totally see that moment blowing him away.
Picture Pat in his element, drinking beers, laughing and having a good time, when Dirty Laundry comes on the iPod and he hears the song for the very first time.
It just totally stops him in his tracks and he thinks to himself: this is the greatest song in the history of the world.
Then, when he shows up to spring training, and other players are unloading their equipment and gear and important papers and stuff, pat just has one thing, a hand-scrawled note on a napkin that says "change song to dirty laundery."
He just looks at it and nods.
It's going to be a good year.
It takes hard work to be the most overpaid player in major league baseball.
Anyway, tons of other players have good songs and good reasons for their selection (sometimes)
I'm not going to go into some examples, but I will say that Michael Myers comes out to the Halloween music, Ken Griffey comes out to Ridin' Dirty by Cha'millionaire, and some guy comes out to the Sanford and Son theme music.
But what would you come out to?
Obvious answer is Hell's Bells or Enter Sandman.
Those are perfect, especially for a closer, but they have already been taken and you need to choose a song that has never been used before.
Next obvious answer would be Why Can't We Be Friends.
Because that would be funny.
But there's gotta be some songs that are just made for this type of thing, and I would like to think of one.
Ummm.......
....
...
...
Ballroom Blitz?
I Wanna Get High?
I Walk the Line?
No, I think Pat already nailed it.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
People love it when you lose,
they love dirty laundry.
And furthermore susan, i coulda been an actor, but i wound up here, just have to look good, i dont have to be clear. come and whisper in our ear give us dirty laundry.
dirty little secrets dirty little lies we got our dirty little fingers in everybods pie we love to cut you down to size we love dirty laundry.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Best Live Bands
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.
I have two things to go over here.
First, and very quickly, there is a hilarious link on preston and steve's website.
Actually, two links.
The first one is an actual 911 call from a police officer.
He confiscated some pot from a drug bust and he and his wife made brownies.
Some quotes from the 911 call:
"I think I'm dying....I think I'm dead."
"Time is moving really really really really really really slow."
"What's the score in the Red Wings game?"
The other link is a dramatization of the video which is now on YouTube.
It is hilarious.
I recommend listening to the actual phone call first, and then watching the parody.
It's really really really really really really great.
Speaking of Preson & Steve, if anybody was listening to the show this morning, circe 7:30 AM, you would have heard them read an e-mail that I wrote in to the show.
I believe it is actually available on their podcast, as well.
The other point I want to make is in reference to the recent Rolling Stone post about the best bands touring right now.
To save you the hassle of clicking a link, I will list it right here.
1. White Stripes
2. Radiohead
3. Pearl Jam
4. Rage Against the Machine
5. U2
6. Metallica
7. Flaming Lips
8. My Morning Jacket
9. The Hold Steady
10. Arcade Fire
11. The Raconteurs
12. Wilco
13. Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. Red Hot Chili Peppers
15. Gogol Bordello
16. Kings of Leon
17. Muse
18. Dave Matthews Band
19. Tool
20. LCD Soundsystem
How do you feel about that?
I feel pretty good, I guess.
Sometimes their lists are absolutely horribe, and sometimes they pick bands for certain categories just to appeal to some hipster contingent, but this one seems OK.
I mean, I haven't seen most of these bands live, but I guess they're probably pretty good, and it states bands that are touring now, so you don't have a bunch of people screaming to list the Stones or the Grateful Dead or Phish or something like that, which is nice.
What I personally like about the list is it's the first time I've seen a list where the majority of the bands were not only bands that I like, but bands that I really like.
Wilco, White Stripes, My Morning Jacket, the Hold Steady, the Raconteurs, RHCP, and Kings of Leon are all bands that I actively listen to, bands whose CDs I buy.
Plus Dave Matthews and Pearl Jam and U2, those are inescapable bands. You have to include them on like, any list that is released, and I like those bands, too.
The rest of the bands definitely fit, too. I may not be the biggest fan of some of them, but if you're a fan, I could definitely see a band like Tool being a good show.
Is it saying something that a lot of the bands I like are on the list of the best 20 live tours right now? I don't know. Maybe it just means that a band that is truly "a band," meaning they like working together and making music together, they probably play pretty well together, and they probably make good music, no matter what the genre.
So maybe I owe it to myself to check out Muse or LCD Soundsystem or the Arcade Fire.
And maybe if you've never heard of Gogol Bordello (I sure haven't), you should check them out.
And furthermore, Susan, I mentioned I had those links for the preston and steve website about the police officer? Well I'm not gonna link it. Go find it for yourself. Seriously, though, you should check it out. Go to Preston and Steve and look for it, then go to YouTube and type in police officer and 911 and pot brownies or something like that.
I have two things to go over here.
First, and very quickly, there is a hilarious link on preston and steve's website.
Actually, two links.
The first one is an actual 911 call from a police officer.
He confiscated some pot from a drug bust and he and his wife made brownies.
Some quotes from the 911 call:
"I think I'm dying....I think I'm dead."
"Time is moving really really really really really really slow."
"What's the score in the Red Wings game?"
The other link is a dramatization of the video which is now on YouTube.
It is hilarious.
I recommend listening to the actual phone call first, and then watching the parody.
It's really really really really really really great.
Speaking of Preson & Steve, if anybody was listening to the show this morning, circe 7:30 AM, you would have heard them read an e-mail that I wrote in to the show.
I believe it is actually available on their podcast, as well.
The other point I want to make is in reference to the recent Rolling Stone post about the best bands touring right now.
To save you the hassle of clicking a link, I will list it right here.
1. White Stripes
2. Radiohead
3. Pearl Jam
4. Rage Against the Machine
5. U2
6. Metallica
7. Flaming Lips
8. My Morning Jacket
9. The Hold Steady
10. Arcade Fire
11. The Raconteurs
12. Wilco
13. Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. Red Hot Chili Peppers
15. Gogol Bordello
16. Kings of Leon
17. Muse
18. Dave Matthews Band
19. Tool
20. LCD Soundsystem
How do you feel about that?
I feel pretty good, I guess.
Sometimes their lists are absolutely horribe, and sometimes they pick bands for certain categories just to appeal to some hipster contingent, but this one seems OK.
I mean, I haven't seen most of these bands live, but I guess they're probably pretty good, and it states bands that are touring now, so you don't have a bunch of people screaming to list the Stones or the Grateful Dead or Phish or something like that, which is nice.
What I personally like about the list is it's the first time I've seen a list where the majority of the bands were not only bands that I like, but bands that I really like.
Wilco, White Stripes, My Morning Jacket, the Hold Steady, the Raconteurs, RHCP, and Kings of Leon are all bands that I actively listen to, bands whose CDs I buy.
Plus Dave Matthews and Pearl Jam and U2, those are inescapable bands. You have to include them on like, any list that is released, and I like those bands, too.
The rest of the bands definitely fit, too. I may not be the biggest fan of some of them, but if you're a fan, I could definitely see a band like Tool being a good show.
Is it saying something that a lot of the bands I like are on the list of the best 20 live tours right now? I don't know. Maybe it just means that a band that is truly "a band," meaning they like working together and making music together, they probably play pretty well together, and they probably make good music, no matter what the genre.
So maybe I owe it to myself to check out Muse or LCD Soundsystem or the Arcade Fire.
And maybe if you've never heard of Gogol Bordello (I sure haven't), you should check them out.
And furthermore, Susan, I mentioned I had those links for the preston and steve website about the police officer? Well I'm not gonna link it. Go find it for yourself. Seriously, though, you should check it out. Go to Preston and Steve and look for it, then go to YouTube and type in police officer and 911 and pot brownies or something like that.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Too Soon?
The Eagles over/under for wins this year has been set at 9.5 by Vegas.
Here's one person saying that 10 wins shouldn't be too much of a problem for this team.
As I write this, it is mid-July.
Is that too soon?
Well, training camp starts in about a week.
The Phillies just fell below .500.
I don't care about golf, biking, or the pro volleyball tour.
Too soon?
Not soon enough, I say.
Bring on the NFL!
Let's take a look at some key players here for the Eagles.
Starting with the offense:
No. 1 obviously has to be Donovan McNabb.
I know, I know...injured in 3 of the last 5 seasons. Health risk! Yeah, I've heard it.
But those were 3 separate injuries (there was that broken ankle in Arizona, and the sports hernia the year after the Super Bowl, and then last year...whatever happened in that Titans game.)
It seems like 3 fluke injuries. I'm not too concerned.
If I could buy stock, it would first be in Bodog, and second in Donovan McNabb.
He's ranked as like the 12th best QB in the league when I know he will be statistically in the top 5....fine, I'll say it....if he stays healthy.
Anyway, people who cover the NFL are so short-sighted.
Everyone is saying how Westbrook proved he can handle an increased work load because he did it last year.
Listen, you can do anything for one year. It's doing it season after season, and that's why running backs break down. I'd prefer it if Westbrook wasn't treated like a workhorse this year. If you keep giving him the ball, he's going to break down. And that is not a knock on B-West. It's just a fact when you factor in 300 pound players throwing their bodies at him all day long over the course of a season. Ask Terrell Davis or Barry Sanders, how about Jamal Anderson, Jamal Lewis, Clinton Portis after his first season with Joe Gibbs, pretty much any running back.
I would love to see Buckhalter get 5 or 6 carries a game, maybe even see a little Tony Hunt.
And sticking with the RB situation, I don't see how Ryan Moats is going to make this team, but he is a great back-up for Westbrook.
In terms of receiver, hasn't everybody learned their lesson with TO? We don't need a star no. 1 "diva" receiver to have a good passing attack. You need a bunch of able-bodied route runners to give McNabb a target, guys who can jump in there, run a pattern, catch a ball, pick up some YAC, make downfield blocks.
The offense works better when McNabb can drop back, see 5 guys running patterns, dissect the defense, and find the mismatch.
The Eagles are all about mismatches. That's why a guy like Greg Lewis can catch 25 balls all season, and have like 22 of them go for first downs.
Yeah, maybe Reggie Brown will be covered, and Westbrook will have a safety spying him, and Kevin Curtis gets a bad jump or something, but that's gonna leave a guy like Lewis getting covered by a Dhani Jones-esque player.
I'll take that any day.
Picture McNabb taking a shotgun snap, or even a play-action (because we should be able to run the ball pretty well behind this line) and then looking down his progressions:
Reggie Brown running deep, drawing the free safety with him...
Kevin Curtis running a slant or a go route and getting covered by the other teams' second best CB, maybe a little help from an LB, then you got L.J. Smith running down the seam, and the other team better have an athletic LB or the SS covering him....now picture, somehow, that all of these players are covered...what do you do? Oh, that's right, dump it off to Westbrook in the flat, watch him break a d-ends' ankles, then scamper 20 yards downfield behind the receivers' key blocks. Not bad.
The only problem, and this is my main criticism of McNabb, is if he throws the ball at Westbrook's feet, or if it's a little behind him and Westbrook can't turn downfield as quick. (That was one area where Garcia really excelled. Excellent touch on those short throws.)
All in all, without even mentioning that stud O-line, the offense looks great on paper. And that's really just the starters. Jason Avant, Hank Baskett, Correll Buckhalter, and Matt Schoebel can all fill in without much of a drop-off, and that's where games can be won, exploiting match-ups when your 5th or 6th option is better than their 5th or 6th defender...we may as well call that the Greg Lewis corollary.
Maybe we'll have to cover the defense another day.
Or maybe I'll just list players and let the list speak for itself.
1. Brian Dawkins (enough said)
Oh? You want more?
2. Jevon Kearse
How about some big boys, you say?
3. Jeremiah Trotter
But where's that athletic LB?
4. Takeo Spikes
I hear cornerbacks are real important these days
5. Lito Sheppard
6. Sheldon Brown
What about upfront?
7. Mike Patterson
8. Broderick Bunkley
Is that all?
9. Juqua Thomas
10. Trent Cole
11. Will Peterson
12. Montae Reagor, Ian Scott, Darren Howard
Still need to prove themselves:
13. Chris Gocong, Matt McCoy, Sean Considine
Not bad. Remember, the defense is what put the Eagles on the map, back when they barely lost to the Rams in their first NFC Championship game (if N.D. Kalu hadn't trimmed his fingernails that day he would have blocked a punt that could have won us the game). Yeah, the offense has gotten a little carried away lately, and the defense slipped a little last year. I see this as the year where they put it all together.
Special Teams:
Very important.
Juqua Thomas and Quentin Mikel are going to lead the coverage unit.
David T. Akers is the best in the business.
Dirk Johnson is getting pushed by Savora Rocca or something like that, an Aussie Rules football stud.
And my sleeper of the year, maybe I should even get his jersey...
Jeremy Bloom!
Watch him in the Olympics and tell me that won't translate to returning punts.
Running downhill, avoiding obstacles, turning on a dime, tons of quickness.
His last year in college he led the nation in "big plays," meaning plays of over 20 yards.
Maybe he should be called Big Play Bloom.
Go Eagles!
And furthermore, Susan, to borrow a line from another, more famour blogger, "if gambling was legal, I would place a serious wager on the over for Eagles wins in '07.
Here's one person saying that 10 wins shouldn't be too much of a problem for this team.
As I write this, it is mid-July.
Is that too soon?
Well, training camp starts in about a week.
The Phillies just fell below .500.
I don't care about golf, biking, or the pro volleyball tour.
Too soon?
Not soon enough, I say.
Bring on the NFL!
Let's take a look at some key players here for the Eagles.
Starting with the offense:
No. 1 obviously has to be Donovan McNabb.
I know, I know...injured in 3 of the last 5 seasons. Health risk! Yeah, I've heard it.
But those were 3 separate injuries (there was that broken ankle in Arizona, and the sports hernia the year after the Super Bowl, and then last year...whatever happened in that Titans game.)
It seems like 3 fluke injuries. I'm not too concerned.
If I could buy stock, it would first be in Bodog, and second in Donovan McNabb.
He's ranked as like the 12th best QB in the league when I know he will be statistically in the top 5....fine, I'll say it....if he stays healthy.
Anyway, people who cover the NFL are so short-sighted.
Everyone is saying how Westbrook proved he can handle an increased work load because he did it last year.
Listen, you can do anything for one year. It's doing it season after season, and that's why running backs break down. I'd prefer it if Westbrook wasn't treated like a workhorse this year. If you keep giving him the ball, he's going to break down. And that is not a knock on B-West. It's just a fact when you factor in 300 pound players throwing their bodies at him all day long over the course of a season. Ask Terrell Davis or Barry Sanders, how about Jamal Anderson, Jamal Lewis, Clinton Portis after his first season with Joe Gibbs, pretty much any running back.
I would love to see Buckhalter get 5 or 6 carries a game, maybe even see a little Tony Hunt.
And sticking with the RB situation, I don't see how Ryan Moats is going to make this team, but he is a great back-up for Westbrook.
In terms of receiver, hasn't everybody learned their lesson with TO? We don't need a star no. 1 "diva" receiver to have a good passing attack. You need a bunch of able-bodied route runners to give McNabb a target, guys who can jump in there, run a pattern, catch a ball, pick up some YAC, make downfield blocks.
The offense works better when McNabb can drop back, see 5 guys running patterns, dissect the defense, and find the mismatch.
The Eagles are all about mismatches. That's why a guy like Greg Lewis can catch 25 balls all season, and have like 22 of them go for first downs.
Yeah, maybe Reggie Brown will be covered, and Westbrook will have a safety spying him, and Kevin Curtis gets a bad jump or something, but that's gonna leave a guy like Lewis getting covered by a Dhani Jones-esque player.
I'll take that any day.
Picture McNabb taking a shotgun snap, or even a play-action (because we should be able to run the ball pretty well behind this line) and then looking down his progressions:
Reggie Brown running deep, drawing the free safety with him...
Kevin Curtis running a slant or a go route and getting covered by the other teams' second best CB, maybe a little help from an LB, then you got L.J. Smith running down the seam, and the other team better have an athletic LB or the SS covering him....now picture, somehow, that all of these players are covered...what do you do? Oh, that's right, dump it off to Westbrook in the flat, watch him break a d-ends' ankles, then scamper 20 yards downfield behind the receivers' key blocks. Not bad.
The only problem, and this is my main criticism of McNabb, is if he throws the ball at Westbrook's feet, or if it's a little behind him and Westbrook can't turn downfield as quick. (That was one area where Garcia really excelled. Excellent touch on those short throws.)
All in all, without even mentioning that stud O-line, the offense looks great on paper. And that's really just the starters. Jason Avant, Hank Baskett, Correll Buckhalter, and Matt Schoebel can all fill in without much of a drop-off, and that's where games can be won, exploiting match-ups when your 5th or 6th option is better than their 5th or 6th defender...we may as well call that the Greg Lewis corollary.
Maybe we'll have to cover the defense another day.
Or maybe I'll just list players and let the list speak for itself.
1. Brian Dawkins (enough said)
Oh? You want more?
2. Jevon Kearse
How about some big boys, you say?
3. Jeremiah Trotter
But where's that athletic LB?
4. Takeo Spikes
I hear cornerbacks are real important these days
5. Lito Sheppard
6. Sheldon Brown
What about upfront?
7. Mike Patterson
8. Broderick Bunkley
Is that all?
9. Juqua Thomas
10. Trent Cole
11. Will Peterson
12. Montae Reagor, Ian Scott, Darren Howard
Still need to prove themselves:
13. Chris Gocong, Matt McCoy, Sean Considine
Not bad. Remember, the defense is what put the Eagles on the map, back when they barely lost to the Rams in their first NFC Championship game (if N.D. Kalu hadn't trimmed his fingernails that day he would have blocked a punt that could have won us the game). Yeah, the offense has gotten a little carried away lately, and the defense slipped a little last year. I see this as the year where they put it all together.
Special Teams:
Very important.
Juqua Thomas and Quentin Mikel are going to lead the coverage unit.
David T. Akers is the best in the business.
Dirk Johnson is getting pushed by Savora Rocca or something like that, an Aussie Rules football stud.
And my sleeper of the year, maybe I should even get his jersey...
Jeremy Bloom!
Watch him in the Olympics and tell me that won't translate to returning punts.
Running downhill, avoiding obstacles, turning on a dime, tons of quickness.
His last year in college he led the nation in "big plays," meaning plays of over 20 yards.
Maybe he should be called Big Play Bloom.
Go Eagles!
And furthermore, Susan, to borrow a line from another, more famour blogger, "if gambling was legal, I would place a serious wager on the over for Eagles wins in '07.
Friday, June 29, 2007
The Latest
Hey, got a few things on my mind. Why not blog it, I asked myself. And now here we are.
Item the first:
Mayor Street was heckled out of a line waiting for the iPhone.
Apparently he was waiting in line since 11 AM to buy the new iPhone when some 22-year-old kid just started heckling him with things like, "don't you have better things to do?" and, "why don't you try and solve some of those 200 murders?"
Street's response was, "I'm doing my job."
He defended his actions by saying he "loves to check out new technology." As an aside, he added, "Oh yeah, and, uh, it will help me conduct business, too."
Nice cover up, John.
Now I think it's hilarious that someone my age had the balls to heckle the mayor so relentlessly that he left line, and he was asking great, topical questions.
But here's my question.
You are the mayor of Philadelphia, which means you are in charge of one of the biggest cities in the most powerful country in the world...and you can't get somebody to wait in line for you???
You can't maybe set up a deal with the distributors?
I don't know, free parking, maybe...or a shiny new gun?
Politics is all about the art of the backroom deal, and our Mayor can't even secure himself a freaking cell phone.
That's really saying a lot.
Next Issue:
I don't know what to make of the Sixers draft. The main question is why Thaddeus Young over Al Thorton. Thorton appears to be better, but he's 23. Since when was experience such a nasty word in professional sports? Teams would rather have an unproven kid with a chance to be great over a guy who already is pretty darn good right now.
That's like playing poker and constantly passing on pocket Kings for a chance at a flush. Sometimes you just gotta take what they give you.
Who knows, though. The draft is a crapshoot. Billy King could end up looking like a genius, or at least a fully functioning adult. The thing is, though, it's gonna take this guy 2-3 years to develop. By then we will have forgotten about how big a deal this pick was, and that it is basically the main thing we got for Iverson.
Yikes.
Speaking of Iverson. This point was brought up in the Inquirer today: What if we had kept him? Chances are we would have finished up with an even worse record than we did (remember how spirited we played after he got traded?) That would have meant a better pick (Oden or Durant, possibly. You have to remember that the Sixers suuucked earlier in the year). Also, we still could have traded Iverson on draft night for a better deal than we got. Look how much worth somebody like Ray Allen was able to get. Imagine what the Celtics would have given up for Iverson. Suffice it to say, a lot more than the 21st and 30th picks, and a 33 year old point guard.
It almost boggles the mind thinking what we could have gotten.
Some very rough math to give you an idea.
Ray Allen = 5th pick
Iverson has to equal that, at least.
So we stink up the season with Iverson, end up with a top 6 pick (that's being conservative), and then trade Iverson for another top 6 pick, and end up with either 1 ridiculous player (meaning Oden or Durant), or 2 future stars, like Al Horford and Corey Brewer or something.
Unbeliveable.
Third, and final, Point:
BoDog, the online gambling site (I thought gambling was illegal?), now offers...
drumroll please....
BoDog Live!
That's right, you can bet on live action.
Like 20 bucks says Howard laces a double up the middle on this pitch.
Think about that.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, if I end up going broke, you will know why.
Item the first:
Mayor Street was heckled out of a line waiting for the iPhone.
Apparently he was waiting in line since 11 AM to buy the new iPhone when some 22-year-old kid just started heckling him with things like, "don't you have better things to do?" and, "why don't you try and solve some of those 200 murders?"
Street's response was, "I'm doing my job."
He defended his actions by saying he "loves to check out new technology." As an aside, he added, "Oh yeah, and, uh, it will help me conduct business, too."
Nice cover up, John.
Now I think it's hilarious that someone my age had the balls to heckle the mayor so relentlessly that he left line, and he was asking great, topical questions.
But here's my question.
You are the mayor of Philadelphia, which means you are in charge of one of the biggest cities in the most powerful country in the world...and you can't get somebody to wait in line for you???
You can't maybe set up a deal with the distributors?
I don't know, free parking, maybe...or a shiny new gun?
Politics is all about the art of the backroom deal, and our Mayor can't even secure himself a freaking cell phone.
That's really saying a lot.
Next Issue:
I don't know what to make of the Sixers draft. The main question is why Thaddeus Young over Al Thorton. Thorton appears to be better, but he's 23. Since when was experience such a nasty word in professional sports? Teams would rather have an unproven kid with a chance to be great over a guy who already is pretty darn good right now.
That's like playing poker and constantly passing on pocket Kings for a chance at a flush. Sometimes you just gotta take what they give you.
Who knows, though. The draft is a crapshoot. Billy King could end up looking like a genius, or at least a fully functioning adult. The thing is, though, it's gonna take this guy 2-3 years to develop. By then we will have forgotten about how big a deal this pick was, and that it is basically the main thing we got for Iverson.
Yikes.
Speaking of Iverson. This point was brought up in the Inquirer today: What if we had kept him? Chances are we would have finished up with an even worse record than we did (remember how spirited we played after he got traded?) That would have meant a better pick (Oden or Durant, possibly. You have to remember that the Sixers suuucked earlier in the year). Also, we still could have traded Iverson on draft night for a better deal than we got. Look how much worth somebody like Ray Allen was able to get. Imagine what the Celtics would have given up for Iverson. Suffice it to say, a lot more than the 21st and 30th picks, and a 33 year old point guard.
It almost boggles the mind thinking what we could have gotten.
Some very rough math to give you an idea.
Ray Allen = 5th pick
Iverson has to equal that, at least.
So we stink up the season with Iverson, end up with a top 6 pick (that's being conservative), and then trade Iverson for another top 6 pick, and end up with either 1 ridiculous player (meaning Oden or Durant), or 2 future stars, like Al Horford and Corey Brewer or something.
Unbeliveable.
Third, and final, Point:
BoDog, the online gambling site (I thought gambling was illegal?), now offers...
drumroll please....
BoDog Live!
That's right, you can bet on live action.
Like 20 bucks says Howard laces a double up the middle on this pitch.
Think about that.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, if I end up going broke, you will know why.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Blog? What Blog?
I know it's been awhile, and I know nobody has probably even noticed.
But if you have, I apologize.
Blogging gets a little tricky in the summertime.
Phillies games...shore trips...sierra nevada summer ale...none of it is conducive to being near a computer.
Anyway, I heard today, after much speculation, that Weezer is releasing its 6th studio album in the very near future.
That brings up an interesting question for me.
Am I going to buy it?
Let's do a quick recap on the Weezer situation:
1. They release The Blue Album.
One of the greatest debut albums, in my humble opinion. It didn't just make them popular, it is a flat-out album, from start to finish.
Some high notes include the a capella breakdown at the end of Holiday, the closing to Only in Dreams, the opening of Surf Wax America, and all of The Sweater Song.
Not to mention the fact that it is able to include a ridiculously poppy and catchy tune in Buddy Holly and still have it mesh with the rest of the album.
Some other great songs on the album: My Name is Jonas and Say It Ain't So.
To me, Say it Ain't So is like Santeria, by Sublime. From the first note everybody kind of shuts up and listens, and its real hard to turn off.
Also, No One Else, The World has Turned and Left me Here, and In The Garage are all great songs, and kind of foreshadow the vibe of Pinkerton, which we will get to in a second.
But first...
2. Rivers Cuomo goes totally crazy.
I'm not gonna get into the details, cuz i'm kind of hazy on them and I'm not gonna do the research (read: wikipedia it).
Suffice it to say that he went back to college, had an extremely painful surgery to make one of his legs as long as the other one (birth defect), and may or may not have fallen in love with a god-damn half-japanese girl.
3. Weezer release Pinkerton.
Pinkerton is also considered an album in my book. The whole thing goes together, the music, the lyrics, the theme and tone of the album are consistent.
It was also very different from the last album, but what could you possibly expect after that first album?
Anyway, I think this album might have made Rivers go crazy, I might have had that order messed up.
Bottom line, Weezer has 2 great albums under their belt, and what do they do next?
4. Release two ridiculous albums, Maladroit and the Green album, with lots of power-pop songs that seem like they took Cuomo about 30 seconds to write. Some are really good, but it is definitely hit or miss.
And frankly, it was disappointing going out and buying those 2 cd's the day they came out, and not getting what I expected.
So I didn't buy Make Believe when it came out, and I'm not going to buy this one.
However, I always suspected that Cuomo would go crazy again and release another great album, so maybe I will buy this one...
But I'll probably just download it (legally of course).
Speaking of killer debut albums, who else did it?
I'm not gonna actually look into this, I'll just throw stuff out there, whether it was killer or even a debut.
How about...
Guns n Roses - Appetite for Destruction. Not bad.
The Band - Music from Big Pink. Pretty solid.
Violent Femmes self-titled had Add It Up, Blister in the Sun, Gone Daddy Gone, Prove My Love, Gimme the Car, and Kiss Off.
On a slightly related note, I loved the White Stripes' second album, but am not going to buy the newest cd because they have just been getting weirder and weirder.
I will probably not buy the next Strokes album.
But no matter what I will buy the next: Wilco, Modest Mouse, and Kings of Leon.
Cds I wish I had already bought: The entire Hold Steady collection, the latest TV on the Radio.
I will take feedback.
What debut albums do you love?
What bands have disappointed you over the years?
What bands will you always buy their cds, no matter what?
What bands do you wish you had discovered earlier?
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, just a point to ponder. I have never gotten in to the Beastie Boys, and I don't think I ever will. Yes, I own Paul's Boutique, yes I love sabotage and what'cha want, but im sorry, they dont do it for me.
But if you have, I apologize.
Blogging gets a little tricky in the summertime.
Phillies games...shore trips...sierra nevada summer ale...none of it is conducive to being near a computer.
Anyway, I heard today, after much speculation, that Weezer is releasing its 6th studio album in the very near future.
That brings up an interesting question for me.
Am I going to buy it?
Let's do a quick recap on the Weezer situation:
1. They release The Blue Album.
One of the greatest debut albums, in my humble opinion. It didn't just make them popular, it is a flat-out album, from start to finish.
Some high notes include the a capella breakdown at the end of Holiday, the closing to Only in Dreams, the opening of Surf Wax America, and all of The Sweater Song.
Not to mention the fact that it is able to include a ridiculously poppy and catchy tune in Buddy Holly and still have it mesh with the rest of the album.
Some other great songs on the album: My Name is Jonas and Say It Ain't So.
To me, Say it Ain't So is like Santeria, by Sublime. From the first note everybody kind of shuts up and listens, and its real hard to turn off.
Also, No One Else, The World has Turned and Left me Here, and In The Garage are all great songs, and kind of foreshadow the vibe of Pinkerton, which we will get to in a second.
But first...
2. Rivers Cuomo goes totally crazy.
I'm not gonna get into the details, cuz i'm kind of hazy on them and I'm not gonna do the research (read: wikipedia it).
Suffice it to say that he went back to college, had an extremely painful surgery to make one of his legs as long as the other one (birth defect), and may or may not have fallen in love with a god-damn half-japanese girl.
3. Weezer release Pinkerton.
Pinkerton is also considered an album in my book. The whole thing goes together, the music, the lyrics, the theme and tone of the album are consistent.
It was also very different from the last album, but what could you possibly expect after that first album?
Anyway, I think this album might have made Rivers go crazy, I might have had that order messed up.
Bottom line, Weezer has 2 great albums under their belt, and what do they do next?
4. Release two ridiculous albums, Maladroit and the Green album, with lots of power-pop songs that seem like they took Cuomo about 30 seconds to write. Some are really good, but it is definitely hit or miss.
And frankly, it was disappointing going out and buying those 2 cd's the day they came out, and not getting what I expected.
So I didn't buy Make Believe when it came out, and I'm not going to buy this one.
However, I always suspected that Cuomo would go crazy again and release another great album, so maybe I will buy this one...
But I'll probably just download it (legally of course).
Speaking of killer debut albums, who else did it?
I'm not gonna actually look into this, I'll just throw stuff out there, whether it was killer or even a debut.
How about...
Guns n Roses - Appetite for Destruction. Not bad.
The Band - Music from Big Pink. Pretty solid.
Violent Femmes self-titled had Add It Up, Blister in the Sun, Gone Daddy Gone, Prove My Love, Gimme the Car, and Kiss Off.
On a slightly related note, I loved the White Stripes' second album, but am not going to buy the newest cd because they have just been getting weirder and weirder.
I will probably not buy the next Strokes album.
But no matter what I will buy the next: Wilco, Modest Mouse, and Kings of Leon.
Cds I wish I had already bought: The entire Hold Steady collection, the latest TV on the Radio.
I will take feedback.
What debut albums do you love?
What bands have disappointed you over the years?
What bands will you always buy their cds, no matter what?
What bands do you wish you had discovered earlier?
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, just a point to ponder. I have never gotten in to the Beastie Boys, and I don't think I ever will. Yes, I own Paul's Boutique, yes I love sabotage and what'cha want, but im sorry, they dont do it for me.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Royal Rumble XXX: Bungle in the Jungle
Whoa, doctor!
You need to stop whatever you are doing right now (besides reading this blog) and check out this YouTube clip.
It might be the greatest thing I have ever seen.
A while back I had a link to a clip that showed an alligator with a baby antelope in its jaws, and then a hippo came over, chased the alligator away, and got the antelope in its jaws. You thought that the hippo was going to eat the thing, but instead, it took it to shore and tried to revive it.
Things didn't work out well, and about 5 minutes later, the gator came back to reclaim its dinner.
Here is that link.
But this is much better. I don't want to spoil it, but let me tell you this:
It involves a gigantic pack of buffaloes, a pride of lions, and no less than 2 crocodiles.
If you have 8 1/2 minutes to spare, and like to watch Planet Earth or Animal Planet, you need to check this out.
There is another great link where some guy coaxes a still alive baby hippo out of its guts. I'm not gonna post that link, though. Do your own damn research!
In other news, there is no other news. It's officially summer and there is a great beer you should try called Sierra Nevade Summer Fest or something like that. It's delicious.
And furthermore, Susan, just a juicy little tidbit to get you through the weekend: Wade Boggs once drank a hundred beers on a cross-country flight. Wade Boggs! According to Wikipedia, Wade Boggs grew up in Oreland, PA...and anybody in the world can contribute to Wikipedia, so you know you're getting, like, the most accurate information possible.
You need to stop whatever you are doing right now (besides reading this blog) and check out this YouTube clip.
It might be the greatest thing I have ever seen.
A while back I had a link to a clip that showed an alligator with a baby antelope in its jaws, and then a hippo came over, chased the alligator away, and got the antelope in its jaws. You thought that the hippo was going to eat the thing, but instead, it took it to shore and tried to revive it.
Things didn't work out well, and about 5 minutes later, the gator came back to reclaim its dinner.
Here is that link.
But this is much better. I don't want to spoil it, but let me tell you this:
It involves a gigantic pack of buffaloes, a pride of lions, and no less than 2 crocodiles.
If you have 8 1/2 minutes to spare, and like to watch Planet Earth or Animal Planet, you need to check this out.
There is another great link where some guy coaxes a still alive baby hippo out of its guts. I'm not gonna post that link, though. Do your own damn research!
In other news, there is no other news. It's officially summer and there is a great beer you should try called Sierra Nevade Summer Fest or something like that. It's delicious.
And furthermore, Susan, just a juicy little tidbit to get you through the weekend: Wade Boggs once drank a hundred beers on a cross-country flight. Wade Boggs! According to Wikipedia, Wade Boggs grew up in Oreland, PA...and anybody in the world can contribute to Wikipedia, so you know you're getting, like, the most accurate information possible.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Some Quick Thoughts on a Tuesday...
Why would the Eagles trade Donovan McNabb, one of the best players at the most valuable and hard-to-replace positions, for a linebacker - one of the positions the Eagles have historically shown they do not value?
It makes no sense. And there is absolutely no way that would ever happen?
So why write the article then, Don McKee?
Why?
I'm not sure why he wrote it, I guess to sell papers. But all it's going to do is place another log on the already burning fire that is McNabb's dissatisfaction with the Eagles and the city of Philadelphia.
If you want to see what happens next, after continuous personal and professional attacks against a person, go ahead and re-watch some Sixers seasons, circa 2002-present...and then note that Iverson is now playing in the pristine, Rocky-Mountain-cold environment of Colorado, and that he will probably never come back again.
Why does Philadelphia feel the need to drive every one of its superstars out of town?
Lindros, Rolen, Schmidt (kind of), Iverson... is McNabb next?
If not, it certainly wouldn't be for a lack of effort.
We freaking booed the guy when we drafted him.
Imagine being a recent college graduate, getting drafted into the NFL, your lifelong dream, and getting booed on national television?
Ouch.
From there it's been an endless barrage of his playing style (he runs too much/he doesn't run enough, he gets injured too much/he shouldn't play when he's hurt, etc...) to his personal life (his mom and dad are too involved, he is too polite (!), he wouldn't be as respected if he were white, etc..)
Donovan McNabb is the best Eagle we have had in my lifetime. Just like Iverson was the best Sixer.
When can we appreciate how good we have it and not argue over the little things that don't really matter?
And let me just ask this one question: Do you think Donovan McNabb will win a Super Bowl before he retires?
I do. I just hope it is as an Eagle.
One other quick thought (granted the last one wasn't quick): if you're not wearing novelty suspenders, why are you even wearing suspenders?
And furthermore, Susan if you drive a Prius, I don't think you need a bumper sticker saying 'Jesus Loves You' or 'I Hate Bush' or 'Stop the War'....trust us, we already know how you feel.
It's like a cow sporting a PETA tattoo...a little redundant.
Come back soon, there will (read: might) be a special Memorial Day issue.
It makes no sense. And there is absolutely no way that would ever happen?
So why write the article then, Don McKee?
Why?
I'm not sure why he wrote it, I guess to sell papers. But all it's going to do is place another log on the already burning fire that is McNabb's dissatisfaction with the Eagles and the city of Philadelphia.
If you want to see what happens next, after continuous personal and professional attacks against a person, go ahead and re-watch some Sixers seasons, circa 2002-present...and then note that Iverson is now playing in the pristine, Rocky-Mountain-cold environment of Colorado, and that he will probably never come back again.
Why does Philadelphia feel the need to drive every one of its superstars out of town?
Lindros, Rolen, Schmidt (kind of), Iverson... is McNabb next?
If not, it certainly wouldn't be for a lack of effort.
We freaking booed the guy when we drafted him.
Imagine being a recent college graduate, getting drafted into the NFL, your lifelong dream, and getting booed on national television?
Ouch.
From there it's been an endless barrage of his playing style (he runs too much/he doesn't run enough, he gets injured too much/he shouldn't play when he's hurt, etc...) to his personal life (his mom and dad are too involved, he is too polite (!), he wouldn't be as respected if he were white, etc..)
Donovan McNabb is the best Eagle we have had in my lifetime. Just like Iverson was the best Sixer.
When can we appreciate how good we have it and not argue over the little things that don't really matter?
And let me just ask this one question: Do you think Donovan McNabb will win a Super Bowl before he retires?
I do. I just hope it is as an Eagle.
One other quick thought (granted the last one wasn't quick): if you're not wearing novelty suspenders, why are you even wearing suspenders?
And furthermore, Susan if you drive a Prius, I don't think you need a bumper sticker saying 'Jesus Loves You' or 'I Hate Bush' or 'Stop the War'....trust us, we already know how you feel.
It's like a cow sporting a PETA tattoo...a little redundant.
Come back soon, there will (read: might) be a special Memorial Day issue.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Are You Selling Any Of That Gold?
Let's kick things off with a list, shall we?
It is my pleasure to introduce to you:
The 3 Comics of Note List (some living, one dead)...
...as always, in no particular order.
1. Jim Gaffigan
You may know him as the guy who got pulled over in Super Troopers and thought the cops were saying 'meow.' Or the guy from the Sierra Mist commercials who had cut-off jean shorts and I think some ridiculous kind of facial hair.
Something to do with a moustache/mullet I believe.
He also did Rolling Rock commercials.
Anyway, here are some quotes.
On Laziness:
You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."
You ever got one thing to do all day but you just can't get yourself to do it? I gotta go to the post office ... but I'd probably have to put on pants. They're only open until 5. I'm going to have to do that next week."
On Sleep:
It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like..."I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?"But at night you're like..."La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode, that Kirk Cameron always in trouble."
On Seahorses:
I was watching Animal Planet, did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." "...the male has the baby. You're fired."
Next Up....
2. Zach Galifanikas
Out Cold, Comedians of Comedy, Reno 911! (occasionally)
He is the guy with the beard who plays the piano...
Yeah, I stand by that description.
Pretty random stuff that should probably be heard/seen.
Now, I'm not an impressionist, but I do have this character voice I've been working on I call "The Guy Who's *WAY* Too Into the 'Garfield' Movie". (clears throat, begins to speak effeminately) Oh, my GOD! Have you seen the GARFIELD movie? It's HI-LARIOUS! There's this part where he eats all this LASAGNA! Of course, Odie's up to HIS old tricks! (normal voice) Like I said, just something I'm working on.
This country is fucking dumb, why are people takin- this-…people with this bush administration all this shit going on, there should be a revolution happening….I would lead it but I just bought a hammock.
I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night. So I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Yelling out, "Who's the Boss now!"
I like to use Axe bodyspray, but I live in a very black area of Brooklyn. Over there, they call it Ask. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist.
Finally, the dead guy.
3. Mitch Hedberg.
He is the king of one-liners...or was.
I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, only "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience."
Whenever I walk people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away."
I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No...but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I've done that way more.
I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown; there's nothing for 'em there.
That last one, I don't even know if it's a joke. But it is funny.
Anyway, that's as far as we're getting today.
You might be saying to yourself, "you just copy and pasted comedians' jokes, you didn't even write anything!"
Didn't I, though? Didn't I?
And furthermore, Susan, Oreland Bar Crawl this Saturday. Come on down!
It is my pleasure to introduce to you:
The 3 Comics of Note List (some living, one dead)...
...as always, in no particular order.
1. Jim Gaffigan
You may know him as the guy who got pulled over in Super Troopers and thought the cops were saying 'meow.' Or the guy from the Sierra Mist commercials who had cut-off jean shorts and I think some ridiculous kind of facial hair.
Something to do with a moustache/mullet I believe.
He also did Rolling Rock commercials.
Anyway, here are some quotes.
On Laziness:
You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."
You ever got one thing to do all day but you just can't get yourself to do it? I gotta go to the post office ... but I'd probably have to put on pants. They're only open until 5. I'm going to have to do that next week."
On Sleep:
It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like..."I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?"But at night you're like..."La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode, that Kirk Cameron always in trouble."
On Seahorses:
I was watching Animal Planet, did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." "...the male has the baby. You're fired."
Next Up....
2. Zach Galifanikas
Out Cold, Comedians of Comedy, Reno 911! (occasionally)
He is the guy with the beard who plays the piano...
Yeah, I stand by that description.
Pretty random stuff that should probably be heard/seen.
Now, I'm not an impressionist, but I do have this character voice I've been working on I call "The Guy Who's *WAY* Too Into the 'Garfield' Movie". (clears throat, begins to speak effeminately) Oh, my GOD! Have you seen the GARFIELD movie? It's HI-LARIOUS! There's this part where he eats all this LASAGNA! Of course, Odie's up to HIS old tricks! (normal voice) Like I said, just something I'm working on.
This country is fucking dumb, why are people takin- this-…people with this bush administration all this shit going on, there should be a revolution happening….I would lead it but I just bought a hammock.
I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night. So I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Yelling out, "Who's the Boss now!"
I like to use Axe bodyspray, but I live in a very black area of Brooklyn. Over there, they call it Ask. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist.
Finally, the dead guy.
3. Mitch Hedberg.
He is the king of one-liners...or was.
I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, only "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience."
Whenever I walk people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away."
I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No...but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I've done that way more.
I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown; there's nothing for 'em there.
That last one, I don't even know if it's a joke. But it is funny.
Anyway, that's as far as we're getting today.
You might be saying to yourself, "you just copy and pasted comedians' jokes, you didn't even write anything!"
Didn't I, though? Didn't I?
And furthermore, Susan, Oreland Bar Crawl this Saturday. Come on down!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Quick Hits on the Phils
Phils took two of three from the Cubbies this weekend. I caught the second game, and it was one of the more entertaining games I've been to in a while. There was like 6 different plays at the plate total, and most worked out for the Phils. Plus both teams scored 6 runs in the 7th inning. Also, there was a rain delay that lasted for over an hour.
Fact: When you are of age, rain delays are not bad at all.
The only negative things I have to say about the game: our third base coach needs to be fired. He held up Burrell at third when he could have scored, and then sent somebody else later on in that inning and they got nailed. It was almost like he was trying to make up for his first call by showing the fans that he does send people. It totally backfired. And, to top it off, Freddy Garcia went on to hit a stand-up double which would have scored the run anyway.
The other negative thing, Ryan Howard was placed on the 15 day DL. Not so bad, though. With a pulled muscle, rest is the only thing that works. So biting the bullet now could pay off, especially if it prevents a season long nagging injury.
One more thing about that Phils game, I love Sugar Shane Victorino, and I love plowing into the catcher, but if he slid he easily would have scored. Instead he went to make contact with the catcher and pretty much got himself out.
And furthermore, Susan, I feel pretty good about calling him Sugar Shane.
Fact: When you are of age, rain delays are not bad at all.
The only negative things I have to say about the game: our third base coach needs to be fired. He held up Burrell at third when he could have scored, and then sent somebody else later on in that inning and they got nailed. It was almost like he was trying to make up for his first call by showing the fans that he does send people. It totally backfired. And, to top it off, Freddy Garcia went on to hit a stand-up double which would have scored the run anyway.
The other negative thing, Ryan Howard was placed on the 15 day DL. Not so bad, though. With a pulled muscle, rest is the only thing that works. So biting the bullet now could pay off, especially if it prevents a season long nagging injury.
One more thing about that Phils game, I love Sugar Shane Victorino, and I love plowing into the catcher, but if he slid he easily would have scored. Instead he went to make contact with the catcher and pretty much got himself out.
And furthermore, Susan, I feel pretty good about calling him Sugar Shane.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Those Phightin' Phils
OK, so the Phillies haven't exactly lit the league on fire...yet. But I do predict big things for them this year. Let me explain why.
First of all, they are notorious slow starters. What's the big deal? The MLB season is a marathon, not a sprint, and I would rather finish strong than start strong (unless finishing strong means going on a late-season tear to fall one game short of the playoffs...but that would never happen).
I think this year is no different, and doesn't need to be. We start slow, we break even by the All-Star break, and then we play real good baseball the second half.
What will be different is the outcome, since I believe we have enough talent to take care of business at the end of the year and actually make the playoffs (as you all know, something that hasn't happened since 1993).
The line-up is the big reason why I will be proven right. Their normal, everyday line-up is very solid. You've got some speedsters in Jimmy Rollins (heretofore known as J-Rollin' Blizzunts) and Victorino, big bats in Utley, Howard, and Burrell and a back of the order that has some veteran presence in Rowand and Helms as well as an upstart in Carlos Ruiz (plus when Cole Hamels is pitching, you've got another sweet swinging lefty in the line-up).
But the best part of the line-up is the diversity. Caucasians, Afro-Americans, Hispanics, Hawaiians...no, that's not what I'm talking about.
Witness the day game against San Fran when they rested Howard:
Victorino
Rowand
J-Rollin' Blizzunts
Utley
Burrell
Helms
Nunez
Barajas
Pitcher
Rowand has been on fire lately, and really fit in well in the 2-hole, and J-Roll is leading the NL in homers and fit in nicely batting third. So that's a great line-up.
Also witness the next game, when Helms started at third, Burrell in right and Barajas at catcher. Late in the game Burrell walked and Michael Bourn pinch-ran, stole second, stole third, and basically stole home (short pop-up where he tagged up and knocked the catcher's foot off the plate). Also, Nunez and Ruiz came in for defense/speed in that game as well. So we've got that late inning speed to add to the line-up and sure-handed fielders to protect leads.
You know it's gonna be clutch come playoff time.
You have to give Charlie Manuel some credit, and Pat Gillick. They have a very solid, versatile line-up that they can use to exploit match-ups all season long. And that can be so valuable come playoff time when each pitch is so important. Gillick put it together and Manuel is doing a nice job of getting guys in the game when they can be effective. For instance, he benched Victorino for a few games, which allowed Jayson Werth to get some playing time and not get rusty and/or dissatisfied (that is almost like Kobe being a distributor for 3 quarters to get his team in the game so they will have confidence down the stretch). When Victorino came back, he was red-hot, getting like 10 hits in the Giants series, including a home run, a stolen base or two, and the greatest defensive interference call of the season.
So I think this line-up is going to be able to do some damage this year.
All we need is the rotation to settle in (which I think will happen pretty soon now that Lieber is officially a starter and Freddy Garcia is building up some velocity on his fastball), and for the bullpen to get squared away (which has been, and probably will be, our achilles heel all season). If Myers becomes a stud closer, or Tom Gordon (he won't be known as Flash around here until he proves it) gets his groove back, and Madson returns to form, we get Matt Smith back up, and add a guy before the trade deadline, things will be looking good.
Now, that is a lot to rely on from the bullpen, and if we end up blowing games late in the year, I'm not gonna say I told you so. But I will be thinking it. And probably cursing to myself.
That's all I have to say about that.
And furthermore Susan, let's all just take a deep breath and ponder for one moment the entirity of the Ugueth Urbina situation. From the fact that we traded Placido Polanco when he could have played third instead of David Bell, to the fact that Polanco went on to win ALCS MVP and post the most ridiculous RISP numbers (something the Phillies suck at) to the fact that the player we got out of the deal is now serving time in a freaking South American prison for attempted murder with gasoline and/or machetes....just think about that, please for one moment. I say good riddance. I never could pronounce his name anyway.
First of all, they are notorious slow starters. What's the big deal? The MLB season is a marathon, not a sprint, and I would rather finish strong than start strong (unless finishing strong means going on a late-season tear to fall one game short of the playoffs...but that would never happen).
I think this year is no different, and doesn't need to be. We start slow, we break even by the All-Star break, and then we play real good baseball the second half.
What will be different is the outcome, since I believe we have enough talent to take care of business at the end of the year and actually make the playoffs (as you all know, something that hasn't happened since 1993).
The line-up is the big reason why I will be proven right. Their normal, everyday line-up is very solid. You've got some speedsters in Jimmy Rollins (heretofore known as J-Rollin' Blizzunts) and Victorino, big bats in Utley, Howard, and Burrell and a back of the order that has some veteran presence in Rowand and Helms as well as an upstart in Carlos Ruiz (plus when Cole Hamels is pitching, you've got another sweet swinging lefty in the line-up).
But the best part of the line-up is the diversity. Caucasians, Afro-Americans, Hispanics, Hawaiians...no, that's not what I'm talking about.
Witness the day game against San Fran when they rested Howard:
Victorino
Rowand
J-Rollin' Blizzunts
Utley
Burrell
Helms
Nunez
Barajas
Pitcher
Rowand has been on fire lately, and really fit in well in the 2-hole, and J-Roll is leading the NL in homers and fit in nicely batting third. So that's a great line-up.
Also witness the next game, when Helms started at third, Burrell in right and Barajas at catcher. Late in the game Burrell walked and Michael Bourn pinch-ran, stole second, stole third, and basically stole home (short pop-up where he tagged up and knocked the catcher's foot off the plate). Also, Nunez and Ruiz came in for defense/speed in that game as well. So we've got that late inning speed to add to the line-up and sure-handed fielders to protect leads.
You know it's gonna be clutch come playoff time.
You have to give Charlie Manuel some credit, and Pat Gillick. They have a very solid, versatile line-up that they can use to exploit match-ups all season long. And that can be so valuable come playoff time when each pitch is so important. Gillick put it together and Manuel is doing a nice job of getting guys in the game when they can be effective. For instance, he benched Victorino for a few games, which allowed Jayson Werth to get some playing time and not get rusty and/or dissatisfied (that is almost like Kobe being a distributor for 3 quarters to get his team in the game so they will have confidence down the stretch). When Victorino came back, he was red-hot, getting like 10 hits in the Giants series, including a home run, a stolen base or two, and the greatest defensive interference call of the season.
So I think this line-up is going to be able to do some damage this year.
All we need is the rotation to settle in (which I think will happen pretty soon now that Lieber is officially a starter and Freddy Garcia is building up some velocity on his fastball), and for the bullpen to get squared away (which has been, and probably will be, our achilles heel all season). If Myers becomes a stud closer, or Tom Gordon (he won't be known as Flash around here until he proves it) gets his groove back, and Madson returns to form, we get Matt Smith back up, and add a guy before the trade deadline, things will be looking good.
Now, that is a lot to rely on from the bullpen, and if we end up blowing games late in the year, I'm not gonna say I told you so. But I will be thinking it. And probably cursing to myself.
That's all I have to say about that.
And furthermore Susan, let's all just take a deep breath and ponder for one moment the entirity of the Ugueth Urbina situation. From the fact that we traded Placido Polanco when he could have played third instead of David Bell, to the fact that Polanco went on to win ALCS MVP and post the most ridiculous RISP numbers (something the Phillies suck at) to the fact that the player we got out of the deal is now serving time in a freaking South American prison for attempted murder with gasoline and/or machetes....just think about that, please for one moment. I say good riddance. I never could pronounce his name anyway.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
1st Annual Spring has Sprung Edition
Over here at And Furthermore Susan, we know a thing or two about a thing or two. We know that Dhani Jones was much better at making bowties and writing poetry than he was at making tackles in the flat, we know that Brett Myers will eventually be the closer of the Phillies, we know that the Sixers are better off with the confidence they got from winning than with the possible lottey pick they would get from losing, and we know that, finally, in our little corner of this world, spring has finally sprung.
It is a Tuesday afternoon in the universe, specifically the first day of May, and I have just finished mowing the lawn. In my book, that is known as the official first day of spring. Nothing like a good lawn mow to really get things started. Of all the chores and jobs out there, that is one that I can actually tolerate. It is outdoors, you feel like you're actually doing something productive/worthwhile/healthy, and there is immediate satisfaction...and I mean immediate. The second you finish your lawn looks awesome, and you can go inside, pour a tall Arnold Palmer, and enjoy the view.
Speaking of Arnold Palmers, they definitely go on the list of signs of spring. Of course, the list isn't readily available right now, but trust me, they are on it. And for those of you who don't know, an AP is half lemonade half iced tea. Personally I like to put in about 60% iced tea, follow that up with lemonade almost to the top, and then add another splash of iced tea at the top. But that's just me.
Also to do with spring, I went disc golfing for the first time this year. Played French Creek State Park, not a bad course, and actually shot pretty well, while ruining my Starburys (though I can always go pick up a fresh pair for the cost of a buy-one get-one Parliament deal).
I predict a very good disc golf season. For me and for the sport. It looks like it's starting to get some attention. If you have Comcast OnDemand, you can actually watch events on your TV (click on Sports and then More Sports), and the current third-ranked player in the world, Dave Feldberg, will be on the Conan O'Brien show this Wednesday.
Not bad, I say.
At this point, work or school or whatever you got going always seems to play second fiddle. The time you are there you feel like is just a brief stop before you are back out there in the world, doing what you do. Normally I would just skip classes, but now that I am a part of the Real World (not the show, something much worse that you will soon find out about if you don't know already), I am a little worried about what is going to happen. Is spring fever a valid excuse to miss work? I hope so.
In honor of spring, let me toss out this little gem of a song by G. Love, which is a good goodbye-winter tune, entitled When We Meet Again. It's available on Yeah, It's That Easy for purchase
or to be legally downloaded on the Intenet.
Speaking of legally downloading music, here is a quick joke:
Q: How are sex and music alike?
A: For every one person paying for it, a hundred are getting it for free.
Thank you very much, I'll be here all week.
Try the fish.
Oh, and furthermore, susan, here is another download for you - Thou Shalt Always Kill, by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip. I recommend at least checking out the video on YouTube.
It is a Tuesday afternoon in the universe, specifically the first day of May, and I have just finished mowing the lawn. In my book, that is known as the official first day of spring. Nothing like a good lawn mow to really get things started. Of all the chores and jobs out there, that is one that I can actually tolerate. It is outdoors, you feel like you're actually doing something productive/worthwhile/healthy, and there is immediate satisfaction...and I mean immediate. The second you finish your lawn looks awesome, and you can go inside, pour a tall Arnold Palmer, and enjoy the view.
Speaking of Arnold Palmers, they definitely go on the list of signs of spring. Of course, the list isn't readily available right now, but trust me, they are on it. And for those of you who don't know, an AP is half lemonade half iced tea. Personally I like to put in about 60% iced tea, follow that up with lemonade almost to the top, and then add another splash of iced tea at the top. But that's just me.
Also to do with spring, I went disc golfing for the first time this year. Played French Creek State Park, not a bad course, and actually shot pretty well, while ruining my Starburys (though I can always go pick up a fresh pair for the cost of a buy-one get-one Parliament deal).
I predict a very good disc golf season. For me and for the sport. It looks like it's starting to get some attention. If you have Comcast OnDemand, you can actually watch events on your TV (click on Sports and then More Sports), and the current third-ranked player in the world, Dave Feldberg, will be on the Conan O'Brien show this Wednesday.
Not bad, I say.
At this point, work or school or whatever you got going always seems to play second fiddle. The time you are there you feel like is just a brief stop before you are back out there in the world, doing what you do. Normally I would just skip classes, but now that I am a part of the Real World (not the show, something much worse that you will soon find out about if you don't know already), I am a little worried about what is going to happen. Is spring fever a valid excuse to miss work? I hope so.
In honor of spring, let me toss out this little gem of a song by G. Love, which is a good goodbye-winter tune, entitled When We Meet Again. It's available on Yeah, It's That Easy for purchase
or to be legally downloaded on the Intenet.
Speaking of legally downloading music, here is a quick joke:
Q: How are sex and music alike?
A: For every one person paying for it, a hundred are getting it for free.
Thank you very much, I'll be here all week.
Try the fish.
Oh, and furthermore, susan, here is another download for you - Thou Shalt Always Kill, by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip. I recommend at least checking out the video on YouTube.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Dear Diary...
On a night of sleeplessness, we're doing some furious blogging over here at And Furthermore Susan. Sure, most of it is just re-issuing old material, but that is still work. And work is hard.
So right now, on the eve of our 18th issue, let us start by a list, like always, in no particular order, of things I won't be blogging about.
1. Some jerk who cut me off on the freeway
2. Feelings of underappreciation at work
3. How great I feel about getting in touch with a long-lost friend
4. "After I brushed my teeth, I thought about getting some orange juice..." ad nauseum
5. Details of a great weekend
6. Details of a poor weekend
7. Nobody likes me the world sucks I wish I lived in Cleveland why are there so many ugly people did you ever notice how short people and fat people whats the deal with airline food when do I get what I want last night's club was so boring we need to save trees there are too many blah blah blahs around for me to blah blah blah without gettting blah blahed in the face...
The point I am trying to make is that, like you, I am disgusted by the word 'blog'. It brings to mind immediately images of too-cool twentysomething hipsters and overly dramatic sixteen-year-old girls (eeeeeeeeeeee!) and woe-is-me mothers who think people actually care about their lives. I'm not like that. I know you don't care about my life. To be honest, I find myself drifting in and out sometimes. So please, let me reassure you that this is not, and will not be, a personal diary aired out in cyberspace. No, it's more like a place where I write about the Phillies and Eagles and music. So there.
Anyway...
Just another normal day for me yesterday. Made it home from work in record time! Caught a great episode of the Office. And I finally got in touch with that long-lost friend...
Kidding.
But seriously, here is a link to something that will make all Philadelphians proud.
And if you take it a step further, you might get to check out The Mamula.
Speaking of sandwiches, I do have a few things to say on the subject.
Schmitter's are delicious.
"A sammich isn't a sammich without a pickle." - Coach Colston
Truer words were never spoken.
Last but not least, if you are into cutting edge movie making from the ground up, check out Prototype Productions, a great website from some buddies holding it down in the Lehigh Valley, winners of Best Comedy at the 2005 New York Film Festival for Inconvenience.
Oh, and furthermore Susan, I would have to say that Rolling Rock is a great beer, and if anybody has any ideas on what the '33' is in reference to, please send it on down the line. It's been keeping me up at night.
So right now, on the eve of our 18th issue, let us start by a list, like always, in no particular order, of things I won't be blogging about.
1. Some jerk who cut me off on the freeway
2. Feelings of underappreciation at work
3. How great I feel about getting in touch with a long-lost friend
4. "After I brushed my teeth, I thought about getting some orange juice..." ad nauseum
5. Details of a great weekend
6. Details of a poor weekend
7. Nobody likes me the world sucks I wish I lived in Cleveland why are there so many ugly people did you ever notice how short people and fat people whats the deal with airline food when do I get what I want last night's club was so boring we need to save trees there are too many blah blah blahs around for me to blah blah blah without gettting blah blahed in the face...
The point I am trying to make is that, like you, I am disgusted by the word 'blog'. It brings to mind immediately images of too-cool twentysomething hipsters and overly dramatic sixteen-year-old girls (eeeeeeeeeeee!) and woe-is-me mothers who think people actually care about their lives. I'm not like that. I know you don't care about my life. To be honest, I find myself drifting in and out sometimes. So please, let me reassure you that this is not, and will not be, a personal diary aired out in cyberspace. No, it's more like a place where I write about the Phillies and Eagles and music. So there.
Anyway...
Just another normal day for me yesterday. Made it home from work in record time! Caught a great episode of the Office. And I finally got in touch with that long-lost friend...
Kidding.
But seriously, here is a link to something that will make all Philadelphians proud.
And if you take it a step further, you might get to check out The Mamula.
Speaking of sandwiches, I do have a few things to say on the subject.
Schmitter's are delicious.
"A sammich isn't a sammich without a pickle." - Coach Colston
Truer words were never spoken.
Last but not least, if you are into cutting edge movie making from the ground up, check out Prototype Productions, a great website from some buddies holding it down in the Lehigh Valley, winners of Best Comedy at the 2005 New York Film Festival for Inconvenience.
Oh, and furthermore Susan, I would have to say that Rolling Rock is a great beer, and if anybody has any ideas on what the '33' is in reference to, please send it on down the line. It's been keeping me up at night.
Amsterdam!
Sticking with the previously-written article trend, here is something I wrote for a newsletter after a trip to Amsterdam, also known as the greatest city in the world.
Amsterdam: Smokin' Hot Coffee, Red-Hot Bikes
I just got back from Amsterdam. What a crazy city! Nobody ever told me there was so much coffee in Amsterdam. Everywhere I looked there was a coffee shop, offering different kinds of very high quality yet inexpensive coffee. Now, I haven't drank any coffee since I've been in Ireland, but I figured, when in Rome...
The second we got off the plane my friends and I bought a huge pot of coffee. In no time we were giggling and telling stories and having a great time. No wonder coffee is so popular. It did make me pretty hungry, though. Luckily there were tons of fast food and fried food and dessert food stores, just what I was in the mood for. After all that coffee and food we were pretty tired so we went to bed, but not before our hostel-guy told us that it was alright to drink coffee in the hostel. He seemed to be encouraging it, almost insisting. We didn't want to disappoint him so we all had one more cup of coffee before retiring for the evening.
The next day my friends and I bought some very powerful coffee and went to the zoo. The zoo was amazing! For some reason the animals looked a little funnier than normal, maybe that's just the way animals look in Amsterdam. All I know is I couldn't stop laughing at them. We also took a trip to the Van Gogh museum. I don't know if it was the coffee getting to me or if Van Gogh was crazy, but that was some serious art. Seemed to be jumping off the wall.
Another thing about Amsterdam, there are bikes everywhere. They are for sale in windows throughout the city, but mostly for sale in one section of town. I think it was called the red bike district. They also had lots of bike-related products for sale: safety gear, kickstands, videos on bike riding, you name it. You could rent these bikes for an hour or just ten minutes, depending how long you wanted to ride. I didn't rent any bikes, but I was surprised to see so many old men doing it. I guess it is nice to see them getting out and enjoying a relaxing midnight bike ride after the missus has gone to sleep.
The best thing about the bikes is how they put safety first - the government is constantly checking the bikes for anything that might cause an accident, and the riders always wear helmets.
Overall, Amsterdam was an amazing trip. I spent most of my time sampling these different kinds of coffee. We had a lot of fun with that. I regret that I didn't bring any coffee beans back with me so I could grow my own. It's just not the same in the States. Oh well, maybe I will go back some day. I can get my coffee fix and maybe even ride a bike or two...with a helmet of course.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, a great alternative pronunciation for the city is Hamsterdance.
That is all.
Amsterdam: Smokin' Hot Coffee, Red-Hot Bikes
I just got back from Amsterdam. What a crazy city! Nobody ever told me there was so much coffee in Amsterdam. Everywhere I looked there was a coffee shop, offering different kinds of very high quality yet inexpensive coffee. Now, I haven't drank any coffee since I've been in Ireland, but I figured, when in Rome...
The second we got off the plane my friends and I bought a huge pot of coffee. In no time we were giggling and telling stories and having a great time. No wonder coffee is so popular. It did make me pretty hungry, though. Luckily there were tons of fast food and fried food and dessert food stores, just what I was in the mood for. After all that coffee and food we were pretty tired so we went to bed, but not before our hostel-guy told us that it was alright to drink coffee in the hostel. He seemed to be encouraging it, almost insisting. We didn't want to disappoint him so we all had one more cup of coffee before retiring for the evening.
The next day my friends and I bought some very powerful coffee and went to the zoo. The zoo was amazing! For some reason the animals looked a little funnier than normal, maybe that's just the way animals look in Amsterdam. All I know is I couldn't stop laughing at them. We also took a trip to the Van Gogh museum. I don't know if it was the coffee getting to me or if Van Gogh was crazy, but that was some serious art. Seemed to be jumping off the wall.
Another thing about Amsterdam, there are bikes everywhere. They are for sale in windows throughout the city, but mostly for sale in one section of town. I think it was called the red bike district. They also had lots of bike-related products for sale: safety gear, kickstands, videos on bike riding, you name it. You could rent these bikes for an hour or just ten minutes, depending how long you wanted to ride. I didn't rent any bikes, but I was surprised to see so many old men doing it. I guess it is nice to see them getting out and enjoying a relaxing midnight bike ride after the missus has gone to sleep.
The best thing about the bikes is how they put safety first - the government is constantly checking the bikes for anything that might cause an accident, and the riders always wear helmets.
Overall, Amsterdam was an amazing trip. I spent most of my time sampling these different kinds of coffee. We had a lot of fun with that. I regret that I didn't bring any coffee beans back with me so I could grow my own. It's just not the same in the States. Oh well, maybe I will go back some day. I can get my coffee fix and maybe even ride a bike or two...with a helmet of course.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, a great alternative pronunciation for the city is Hamsterdance.
That is all.
Philadelphia Daily News
Here is the article I wrote for the Daily News. I wrote it my sophomore year of college but didn't send it in until my senior year. It ran on my birthday.
The Job of a Philadelphia Sports Fan
By Robert Smyth
I confess. I’m the guy. Scores of sports-loving Philadelphians would love to get their hands on me if they only knew what I have done over the years. You see, I am single-handedly responsible for all the failure and ineptitude of our beloved sports franchises. Every bad pitch, every dropped ball, every missed shot and stupid penalty, they’re all my fault.
As a sports-loving Philadelphian myself, I’ve watched my share of Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, and Phillies games, and at an early age, I realized that I had a unique connection to the teams playing. An intrinsic bond, perhaps. Maybe even a little telepathy mixed in there. I now watch games not for enjoyment, but because it is my job.
When something goes wrong, I know it is because I let them down. Remember that shellacking the Tampa Bay Buccaneers gave the Eagles in the NFC Championship last year? Well I ditched all my friends to watch it at my girlfriend’s house. The overtime goal Ottawa scored on the Flyers to end our playoff hopes? Bathroom break. See, every move I make, every thought I think, beer I drink, and chip I eat plays a direct role in the game I’m watching. When Joe Carter hit the ninth inning home run off of Mitch Williams to win the World Series, I was in my place, trying to do everything right. My mom asked me a question and I refused to respond. I had a chip in my mouth but I refused to swallow. But then out of nowhere, I had to go and crack my knuckles – a silence-breaking omen of popping bone that still haunts me to this day, followed immediately by a silence-breaking pop of bat on ball.
I let us down. And I can say “us” you see, because I am a part of the team. It’s not easy handling all this responsibility. If the Sixers are blowing a team out in the fourth quarter, I can’t leave the game to beat traffic like everyone else. No, the second I turn my head I know I will hear a groan from the fans, marking the beginning of a record-setting comeback. It may seem like a curse, but I’m glad to have this distinction. Better me than somebody else; I know my job and I try my best.
Then again, since I was born in 1983, no Philly team has won a championship – the longest losing streak of any city with four major sports. Don’t blame it all on me, though. Without me, our teams may have been stuck in the cellar of their respective divisions forever. Although I am responsible for the mishaps, I am also responsible for the positive things that happen in PhillySportsWorld.
Every Sunday this year, no matter how late I was out the night before, I manage to wake up before noon and get ready for the Eagles game. You think it’s easy chugging a beer every time the Eagles score a touchdown? Or eating a soft pretzel to help turn a double play?
Sometimes I get in a little over my head, like when I had to say, word for word, “Yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!” every time the Flyers were about to take a shot. Try casually slipping that into a conversation every few minutes.
I’m not complaining, though, because all the work I put into game days makes victory that much sweeter. It’s a tough job, but it’s mine, and somebody has to do it.
So, if you’ve ever felt like the fate of the Phillies extra-innings rally lies solely in your ability to consume a hot dog before each pitch, you can stop worrying and put that dog down. All the responsibility is mine, and I accept it.
The fate of our teams is in my hands; it’s a job I take seriously.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, the byline read:
Robert Smyth is a senior English major at DeSales University and lives in Oreland.
Gotta represent.
The Job of a Philadelphia Sports Fan
By Robert Smyth
I confess. I’m the guy. Scores of sports-loving Philadelphians would love to get their hands on me if they only knew what I have done over the years. You see, I am single-handedly responsible for all the failure and ineptitude of our beloved sports franchises. Every bad pitch, every dropped ball, every missed shot and stupid penalty, they’re all my fault.
As a sports-loving Philadelphian myself, I’ve watched my share of Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, and Phillies games, and at an early age, I realized that I had a unique connection to the teams playing. An intrinsic bond, perhaps. Maybe even a little telepathy mixed in there. I now watch games not for enjoyment, but because it is my job.
When something goes wrong, I know it is because I let them down. Remember that shellacking the Tampa Bay Buccaneers gave the Eagles in the NFC Championship last year? Well I ditched all my friends to watch it at my girlfriend’s house. The overtime goal Ottawa scored on the Flyers to end our playoff hopes? Bathroom break. See, every move I make, every thought I think, beer I drink, and chip I eat plays a direct role in the game I’m watching. When Joe Carter hit the ninth inning home run off of Mitch Williams to win the World Series, I was in my place, trying to do everything right. My mom asked me a question and I refused to respond. I had a chip in my mouth but I refused to swallow. But then out of nowhere, I had to go and crack my knuckles – a silence-breaking omen of popping bone that still haunts me to this day, followed immediately by a silence-breaking pop of bat on ball.
I let us down. And I can say “us” you see, because I am a part of the team. It’s not easy handling all this responsibility. If the Sixers are blowing a team out in the fourth quarter, I can’t leave the game to beat traffic like everyone else. No, the second I turn my head I know I will hear a groan from the fans, marking the beginning of a record-setting comeback. It may seem like a curse, but I’m glad to have this distinction. Better me than somebody else; I know my job and I try my best.
Then again, since I was born in 1983, no Philly team has won a championship – the longest losing streak of any city with four major sports. Don’t blame it all on me, though. Without me, our teams may have been stuck in the cellar of their respective divisions forever. Although I am responsible for the mishaps, I am also responsible for the positive things that happen in PhillySportsWorld.
Every Sunday this year, no matter how late I was out the night before, I manage to wake up before noon and get ready for the Eagles game. You think it’s easy chugging a beer every time the Eagles score a touchdown? Or eating a soft pretzel to help turn a double play?
Sometimes I get in a little over my head, like when I had to say, word for word, “Yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!” every time the Flyers were about to take a shot. Try casually slipping that into a conversation every few minutes.
I’m not complaining, though, because all the work I put into game days makes victory that much sweeter. It’s a tough job, but it’s mine, and somebody has to do it.
So, if you’ve ever felt like the fate of the Phillies extra-innings rally lies solely in your ability to consume a hot dog before each pitch, you can stop worrying and put that dog down. All the responsibility is mine, and I accept it.
The fate of our teams is in my hands; it’s a job I take seriously.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, the byline read:
Robert Smyth is a senior English major at DeSales University and lives in Oreland.
Gotta represent.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Dead In My Tracks
There's a handful of songs that I have heard where I can picture the exact moment I heard them for the first time. 'No One Knows' by Queens of the Stone Age is the first that comes to mind. I remember everything about that moment - I was making a right turn at a red light off of Bridge St. Not positive why I remember, probably because the song is awesome, but also I remember thinking this was the first song by the new "supergroup" made up of Chris Cornell and the members of Rage Against the Machine. At the time, I had no idea they would be called Audioslave, and no idea what they would sound like. (I thought it was a pretty good guess, because I had never heard of QotSA before.) Turns out they sound like Rage Against the Machine with Chris Cornell singing vocals.
But that's not the point. The point is, some songs just stop you in your tracks.
A few years later I was at my house, having just woken up the day after Easter. I turned on MTV (actually MTV2, so I felt like I was ahead of the curve (alas, I wasn't)) and saw the beginning of a music video - it looked like something out of Wallace and Grombit, it was definitely nothing I had seen before. And when I heard the first line, "I crashed my car into a cop car the other day," I kind of froze. Yes, we're talking about 'Float On,' Modest Mouse. I felt like it was my duty to pass the song along to everyone I knew. I was in college, and I must have downloaded it onto like twenty people's computers.
Let's back it up a couple of years. Down the shore with some family, chilling down on a pier late at night with two cousins. We come back to the house, feeling pretty good, and throw on MTV (again, playing music videos, who'd of thunk?). I see an animated video (always entertaining) and a weird, chilling vocal begins the song. Sounds like something out of...yeah, a Western movie. "I'm happy, feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag," I'm a group of four cartoon characters singing about monkeys dancing like Michael Jackson. Possibly my favorite video of all time. Gorillaz, 'Clint Eastwood.'
Another one that happens to have been caught on MTV2 was from the summer after my senior year of high school. I remember lying on the floor of my living room, with my sister in the other room typing on the computer, seeing a guy I thought I recognized sitting on a chair in a black-and-white concert video. The song sounded so good I felt like I had heard it before, but I hadn't. Turns out the guy sitting on the chair, playing what I later learned was a slide guitar, happened to be Ben Harper, pals with a then-unknown surfer-songwriter named Jack Johnson. "Please please please don't drag me down." 'Flake.'
I guess the thing about these songs is really the people singing them - I had never heard of Queens, Modest Mouse, Gorillaz, or Jack Johnson prior to that, so it was a new sound. Also, they are four really good songs. This brings me to my next point (or my first point, but who's counting?), which is about two songs that I like - 'Last Nite' by the Strokes, and 'California Waiting' by Kings of Leon. Don't have a pinpointed date on the first time I heard these songs, but I really liked both of them, and was prompted to follow the bands. At this point, their careers are almost mirror images, and that's what I want to get into.
The Strokes, along with The White Stripes, kind of ushered in this new rock and roll that is pretty popular these days. When Kings of Leon broke out, they were called the Southern Strokes. The comparisons don't end there. Coming up next: Geometry Proof wherein I assert that music critics are jerks and Ryan Howard may not have such a sweet season.
1. I go to a Strokes concert, Kings of Leon open for them.
2. I see a picture of Kings of Leon, they look exactly like the Strokes would look if they were from Alabama and not New York. (All the members of both bands dress and look alike).
3. They both release second albums, which can only be described as louder, tighter, faster, and better versions of their original albums. As a result, it's exactly what guys like me, the fans, are looking for.
4. Both second albums are criticized for sounding too much like the first album.
5. (and this is where I'm upset) Both bands release third albums where they try and steer clear of the sound that got them popular in the first place, either trying to "experiment" or to please their critics.
6. Both albums are just not as sweet as the older ones.
7. (where I compare them to Ryan Howard) The junior-year slump is the new sophomore slump.
8. Music critics are jerks.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, who said geometry was hard?
But that's not the point. The point is, some songs just stop you in your tracks.
A few years later I was at my house, having just woken up the day after Easter. I turned on MTV (actually MTV2, so I felt like I was ahead of the curve (alas, I wasn't)) and saw the beginning of a music video - it looked like something out of Wallace and Grombit, it was definitely nothing I had seen before. And when I heard the first line, "I crashed my car into a cop car the other day," I kind of froze. Yes, we're talking about 'Float On,' Modest Mouse. I felt like it was my duty to pass the song along to everyone I knew. I was in college, and I must have downloaded it onto like twenty people's computers.
Let's back it up a couple of years. Down the shore with some family, chilling down on a pier late at night with two cousins. We come back to the house, feeling pretty good, and throw on MTV (again, playing music videos, who'd of thunk?). I see an animated video (always entertaining) and a weird, chilling vocal begins the song. Sounds like something out of...yeah, a Western movie. "I'm happy, feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag," I'm a group of four cartoon characters singing about monkeys dancing like Michael Jackson. Possibly my favorite video of all time. Gorillaz, 'Clint Eastwood.'
Another one that happens to have been caught on MTV2 was from the summer after my senior year of high school. I remember lying on the floor of my living room, with my sister in the other room typing on the computer, seeing a guy I thought I recognized sitting on a chair in a black-and-white concert video. The song sounded so good I felt like I had heard it before, but I hadn't. Turns out the guy sitting on the chair, playing what I later learned was a slide guitar, happened to be Ben Harper, pals with a then-unknown surfer-songwriter named Jack Johnson. "Please please please don't drag me down." 'Flake.'
I guess the thing about these songs is really the people singing them - I had never heard of Queens, Modest Mouse, Gorillaz, or Jack Johnson prior to that, so it was a new sound. Also, they are four really good songs. This brings me to my next point (or my first point, but who's counting?), which is about two songs that I like - 'Last Nite' by the Strokes, and 'California Waiting' by Kings of Leon. Don't have a pinpointed date on the first time I heard these songs, but I really liked both of them, and was prompted to follow the bands. At this point, their careers are almost mirror images, and that's what I want to get into.
The Strokes, along with The White Stripes, kind of ushered in this new rock and roll that is pretty popular these days. When Kings of Leon broke out, they were called the Southern Strokes. The comparisons don't end there. Coming up next: Geometry Proof wherein I assert that music critics are jerks and Ryan Howard may not have such a sweet season.
1. I go to a Strokes concert, Kings of Leon open for them.
2. I see a picture of Kings of Leon, they look exactly like the Strokes would look if they were from Alabama and not New York. (All the members of both bands dress and look alike).
3. They both release second albums, which can only be described as louder, tighter, faster, and better versions of their original albums. As a result, it's exactly what guys like me, the fans, are looking for.
4. Both second albums are criticized for sounding too much like the first album.
5. (and this is where I'm upset) Both bands release third albums where they try and steer clear of the sound that got them popular in the first place, either trying to "experiment" or to please their critics.
6. Both albums are just not as sweet as the older ones.
7. (where I compare them to Ryan Howard) The junior-year slump is the new sophomore slump.
8. Music critics are jerks.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, who said geometry was hard?
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Room 112 - Da Art of Da Remix
Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the nineties - just after our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it cause sometimes there's a man - I won't say a hero - but sometimes there's a man....
...sometimes there's a man....Aw heck, I lost my train of thought.
Well let's just put it this way, a piece of music is a piece of music.
Guitar, opera, you name it, it's all music.
But sometimes, it can be art.
And that's what I'm talking about here, ladies and gentlemen - art. The ability to transcend the form. To create something so unique, so perfect, that everyone else may as well say, "Well I should just quit right now, because there is no way I'm topping that."
And that is what we have here.
And that man I was talking about before, that man I was so reluctant to call a hero? Well his name is Ma$e, and he is a hero.
I present to you, probably the finest example of art to come out of the 20th century.
Hell, if my generation, my father's generation, his father's generation, the entire Western Civilization even, is known for one thing, I want it to be this.
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Eh eh, Eh eh
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Uh uh
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Check It Out
Je-sus The Notorious Just
Please Us With Your Lyrical Thesis
We Just Chillin Milk Em Top Billin
Silk And Pure Linen, Me And Little Ceas
Malibu Sea Breeze, Dom P's, Palm Trees,
Cats Lay Paublo In Milked Out Diablos
The Williest B*tches Be The Silliest
The More I Smoke The Smaller The Phillie Gets
Room 112 Where The Players Dwell
To Stash More Cash Than Bert Fidel
Inhale Make You Feel Good Like Tony Toni Tone (Feels Good)
Dig Up In Your Middle Like Monie (Yeah)
Don't Know Me But Your Settin Up To Blow Me
Try To Style, Fly Up North With A Homey (Yes)
It's Style Dondatta
Playas Stay Splurgin' Game So Tight They Call It Virgin
Oh I Need To Know Where We Stand
Do We Share This Special Thing Called Love
I Know I Do What About You
I Just Can't Get Enough Of Your Time
I Need You In My Life
Where Do I Go
What Do I Do
I Can't Live Without Your Love
Thinkin' Of You, Makes Me Feel
Like I'm The Only One For You
Girl I Want To Be With You
No One Else, Only You
Why Can't We Just Make It Happen
Baby, I Need You In My Life
Everytime I'm With You
Never Want It To Come To End
(Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop)
You Always Make Me So Happy
You'll Always Have A Place In My Heart
Now You Can Hum All You Want To
Come All You Want To
Money I'm A Front You
Girl I Wanna Flaunt You
I'm A Always Want You
When Nobody Wants You
If I Die Now My Love Will Still Haunt You
Mase Ain't The One That'll Pay For Your Phone
Mase Be The One That'll Take You Home
Even Though I'm Not The One That Gave You The Stone
On Your Days Alone I Can Make You Moan
Everybody Know I Got More Bounce Than The Ounce
Bad Boy Get More Money Than You Can Count
Why I'm Buying Things You Can't Even Pronounce
I'd Do It To Your Cat For A Large Amount
And When The Beef Come You Know Where To Be Found
Why I Be Around Til The Winner Is Announced (The Winner Is...)
So There You Go Girl With Thousands In Your Palms
Why You Can't Let By Gones Be By Gones (Good Fellas)
Where Do I Go
What Must I Do
If I Can't Live Without Your Love
Thinkin' Of You, Makes Me Feel, Baby
Like I'm The Only One For You
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Eh eh, Eh eh
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, this couldn't have been done with just M-A-dollar sign-E. Well, it probably could have been done by just him, but in this particular case, he had the help of the Notorious B.I.G and 112.
...sometimes there's a man....Aw heck, I lost my train of thought.
Well let's just put it this way, a piece of music is a piece of music.
Guitar, opera, you name it, it's all music.
But sometimes, it can be art.
And that's what I'm talking about here, ladies and gentlemen - art. The ability to transcend the form. To create something so unique, so perfect, that everyone else may as well say, "Well I should just quit right now, because there is no way I'm topping that."
And that is what we have here.
And that man I was talking about before, that man I was so reluctant to call a hero? Well his name is Ma$e, and he is a hero.
I present to you, probably the finest example of art to come out of the 20th century.
Hell, if my generation, my father's generation, his father's generation, the entire Western Civilization even, is known for one thing, I want it to be this.
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Eh eh, Eh eh
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Uh uh
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Check It Out
Je-sus The Notorious Just
Please Us With Your Lyrical Thesis
We Just Chillin Milk Em Top Billin
Silk And Pure Linen, Me And Little Ceas
Malibu Sea Breeze, Dom P's, Palm Trees,
Cats Lay Paublo In Milked Out Diablos
The Williest B*tches Be The Silliest
The More I Smoke The Smaller The Phillie Gets
Room 112 Where The Players Dwell
To Stash More Cash Than Bert Fidel
Inhale Make You Feel Good Like Tony Toni Tone (Feels Good)
Dig Up In Your Middle Like Monie (Yeah)
Don't Know Me But Your Settin Up To Blow Me
Try To Style, Fly Up North With A Homey (Yes)
It's Style Dondatta
Playas Stay Splurgin' Game So Tight They Call It Virgin
Oh I Need To Know Where We Stand
Do We Share This Special Thing Called Love
I Know I Do What About You
I Just Can't Get Enough Of Your Time
I Need You In My Life
Where Do I Go
What Do I Do
I Can't Live Without Your Love
Thinkin' Of You, Makes Me Feel
Like I'm The Only One For You
Girl I Want To Be With You
No One Else, Only You
Why Can't We Just Make It Happen
Baby, I Need You In My Life
Everytime I'm With You
Never Want It To Come To End
(Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop)
You Always Make Me So Happy
You'll Always Have A Place In My Heart
Now You Can Hum All You Want To
Come All You Want To
Money I'm A Front You
Girl I Wanna Flaunt You
I'm A Always Want You
When Nobody Wants You
If I Die Now My Love Will Still Haunt You
Mase Ain't The One That'll Pay For Your Phone
Mase Be The One That'll Take You Home
Even Though I'm Not The One That Gave You The Stone
On Your Days Alone I Can Make You Moan
Everybody Know I Got More Bounce Than The Ounce
Bad Boy Get More Money Than You Can Count
Why I'm Buying Things You Can't Even Pronounce
I'd Do It To Your Cat For A Large Amount
And When The Beef Come You Know Where To Be Found
Why I Be Around Til The Winner Is Announced (The Winner Is...)
So There You Go Girl With Thousands In Your Palms
Why You Can't Let By Gones Be By Gones (Good Fellas)
Where Do I Go
What Must I Do
If I Can't Live Without Your Love
Thinkin' Of You, Makes Me Feel, Baby
Like I'm The Only One For You
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
I Thought I Told You That We Won't Stop
Eh eh, Eh eh
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, this couldn't have been done with just M-A-dollar sign-E. Well, it probably could have been done by just him, but in this particular case, he had the help of the Notorious B.I.G and 112.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Gamblor!
Okay, we're going to keep this short and sweet, because tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Las Vegas.
Just typing that sentence is kind of ridiculous.
Las Vegas? It's gonna be crazy.
Absolutely ridiculous.
And people like me don't really need to go to places like Las Vegas, 24-hour adult playgrounds, if you will.
Especially with the people I will be going with.
In honor of Vegas being a gambler's mecca, let's do some quick over/unders.
over/under on how many things I will break:
5.5 (easily the over if casinos serve bottled beer)
over/under on fights:
.5 (I don't see it happening, but you never know)
over/under on near-fights:
3.5 (much more likely)
over/under on money lost gambling:
$650 (jeez, I'm afraid to answer this one)
Finally, money line on falling in love w/ a stripper:
10 grand to win 5 grand.
10 grand? let me see you shake it like you got no bones in your body and you was meant to be a celebrity.
oh, and furthermore, susan, the other weekend I stumbled upon a great nickname while playing poker - Gamblor.
It's fun to say in a deep voice like Darth Vader.
Gamblor. Lord of all gambling.
(I was drinking 7% beer at the time)
Well, see ya next week, unless I find a way to blog from the hotel and/or prison.
Just typing that sentence is kind of ridiculous.
Las Vegas? It's gonna be crazy.
Absolutely ridiculous.
And people like me don't really need to go to places like Las Vegas, 24-hour adult playgrounds, if you will.
Especially with the people I will be going with.
In honor of Vegas being a gambler's mecca, let's do some quick over/unders.
over/under on how many things I will break:
5.5 (easily the over if casinos serve bottled beer)
over/under on fights:
.5 (I don't see it happening, but you never know)
over/under on near-fights:
3.5 (much more likely)
over/under on money lost gambling:
$650 (jeez, I'm afraid to answer this one)
Finally, money line on falling in love w/ a stripper:
10 grand to win 5 grand.
10 grand? let me see you shake it like you got no bones in your body and you was meant to be a celebrity.
oh, and furthermore, susan, the other weekend I stumbled upon a great nickname while playing poker - Gamblor.
It's fun to say in a deep voice like Darth Vader.
Gamblor. Lord of all gambling.
(I was drinking 7% beer at the time)
Well, see ya next week, unless I find a way to blog from the hotel and/or prison.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Onward and Upward
We're not going to be discussing sandbags today...or stinkpalms.
And that, right there, is your first lesson.
Never trust a sandbagger.
We will go into a little detail on Tigers vs. Sharks - The Video Game.
Quick backstory: I was curious (as I'm sure you have been before) as to who would win in a fight between a tiger and a shark. Naturally the shark would win in water, and the tiger would win on land (in fact, those wouldn't really even be considered fights, more like "dinner," but I digress).
So what to do about the pesky problem of location?
Outer space, you say?
Brilliant!
Did I hear make the animals gigantic?
Well done, sir!
The easiest way to ensure a fair fight is to have them battle in outer space, that way the tiger could straddle one of the planets, and the shark could fly around in space (gravity finally helps me out for once). Keep in mind the fact that they will be huge, so the tiger will literally be sitting on the planet, with its tail like curled around it for support.
The shark has the advantage of mobility, just like in the ocean, it gets to circle its prey and come in for quick strikes.
The tiger has to stay where it is (if it jumps off the planet it will float through space) but has the advantage of having paws. If it can get a good grip around the shark, it has a good chance to do some damage?
What do you think?
I think I've finally leveled the playing field for two hideous rival beasts.
Oh, and furthermore susan, we can take this game all the way to the top, mortal kombat style.
Picture a gigantic squid, which just floats in space, and is able to hurl planets and stars and moons (moons!) at its opponent. Maybe even some kind of giant snake, or, for some animal that is really small, because going gigantic only goes so far, there could be a pack of them, like a pack of bats, or some kind of insect. Basically, just picture any animal in the world, now picture them gigantic, now picture them somewhere in outer space, and pissed off.
Can't miss, I say.
Before I go, let me just give a shout out to www.Ropeadopes.blogspot.com
These guys gave me the idea to make a blog, and it's one-stop-shopping for some sweet pictures and videos.
Oh, and check out www.ritchiesintorocknroll.blogspot.com
He knows the score.
And that, right there, is your first lesson.
Never trust a sandbagger.
We will go into a little detail on Tigers vs. Sharks - The Video Game.
Quick backstory: I was curious (as I'm sure you have been before) as to who would win in a fight between a tiger and a shark. Naturally the shark would win in water, and the tiger would win on land (in fact, those wouldn't really even be considered fights, more like "dinner," but I digress).
So what to do about the pesky problem of location?
Outer space, you say?
Brilliant!
Did I hear make the animals gigantic?
Well done, sir!
The easiest way to ensure a fair fight is to have them battle in outer space, that way the tiger could straddle one of the planets, and the shark could fly around in space (gravity finally helps me out for once). Keep in mind the fact that they will be huge, so the tiger will literally be sitting on the planet, with its tail like curled around it for support.
The shark has the advantage of mobility, just like in the ocean, it gets to circle its prey and come in for quick strikes.
The tiger has to stay where it is (if it jumps off the planet it will float through space) but has the advantage of having paws. If it can get a good grip around the shark, it has a good chance to do some damage?
What do you think?
I think I've finally leveled the playing field for two hideous rival beasts.
Oh, and furthermore susan, we can take this game all the way to the top, mortal kombat style.
Picture a gigantic squid, which just floats in space, and is able to hurl planets and stars and moons (moons!) at its opponent. Maybe even some kind of giant snake, or, for some animal that is really small, because going gigantic only goes so far, there could be a pack of them, like a pack of bats, or some kind of insect. Basically, just picture any animal in the world, now picture them gigantic, now picture them somewhere in outer space, and pissed off.
Can't miss, I say.
Before I go, let me just give a shout out to www.Ropeadopes.blogspot.com
These guys gave me the idea to make a blog, and it's one-stop-shopping for some sweet pictures and videos.
Oh, and check out www.ritchiesintorocknroll.blogspot.com
He knows the score.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Tigers vs. Sharks
Just a few quick thoughts on a rainy Sunday night.
It's April 15th and there is snow in the forecast. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. I'll give you an inconvenient truth...to the face!
Planet Earth is probably the greatest television show ever created. It should get its own channel. As of right now, it is on the Discovery Channel. I highly recommend it, especially if you have HD.
I will be leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday. If only I could somehow film myself the entire time. Maybe I'll get one of those ski helmets w/ a camera built in....or hire my own E! True Hollywood Story video crew like in Along Came Polly.
This brings me to my next point. We need to be able to film ourselves at all times, without having to lug a giant camera around. There were a few instances this past weekend where that kind of technology really would have paid off. Imagine sitting around with your friends on a Saturday afternoon after a late night. You take turns putting in your own videos, which were shot from your eyes' perspective, and see what happens. For instance, in my video, you might see a fist come flying at the camera, a quick view of the ceiling, and then it goes black and white. Pop in one of my friends videos next and you'll see me in the background walking up to a group of guys w/ baggy pants and sideways hats.
There's another solution, which is: become famous.
Nursing a hangover one morning, I was at a bar eating breakfast and the news channel was on. One of those tickers went by at the bottom of the screen saying something like: "Prince William and longtime girlfriend broke up last night. The Prince is quoted as saying that he's not yet ready for marriage."
Imagine if all your personal life stuff was shown on a ticker on a respected news channel, printed like it's actually news.
"After a late night at a local pub, John McMurphy and his ex-girlfriend, Sheila Moss, have rekindled their relationship. "She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I love you baby!" was the only quote we could get before they stumbled into their car, presumably driving drunk to one of their apartments."
And imagine if it carried on, like some famous people we know...
We asked Mr. McMurphy's close friend, Hal Morris, for his take on the situation. "Yeah, they always seemed right for each other. I think it's going to last."
However, Mr. McMurphy's other friend, identified only as 'Twinkles,' countered with this argument, " Bullshit man! They were both just hammered! I bet he kicks her out before 11 am tomorrow!"
I honestly can't imagine how ridiculous that would be.
In fact, that movie EDTv might be about that very thing.
Speaking of EdTV, there used to be a tv show called Ed, and it was pretty good. The main character now guests on Scrubs as JD's older brother, and Michael Ian Scott, from the Sierra Mist commercials, works at a bowling alley.
You know what, I probably could have put like 10 other legitimate shows down to identify Michael Ian Scott but I'm sticking with the Sierra Mist commercials.
You know who else is on those commercials? Jim Gaffigan.
We're coming full circle here, and I'm gonna mention a video of a crocodile that gets its dinner (a baby antelope or something) stolen from its jaws by a hippo...only to see the hippo let the thing free. Talk about a sandbag.
So let me check for this clip.
Oh, and furthermore susan, in our next issue we will delve a little deeper into what exactly a sandbag is, compare it to a stinkpalm, and also pitch a video game idea involving a tiger and a shark.
Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSvFYph0u8
It's April 15th and there is snow in the forecast. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. I'll give you an inconvenient truth...to the face!
Planet Earth is probably the greatest television show ever created. It should get its own channel. As of right now, it is on the Discovery Channel. I highly recommend it, especially if you have HD.
I will be leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday. If only I could somehow film myself the entire time. Maybe I'll get one of those ski helmets w/ a camera built in....or hire my own E! True Hollywood Story video crew like in Along Came Polly.
This brings me to my next point. We need to be able to film ourselves at all times, without having to lug a giant camera around. There were a few instances this past weekend where that kind of technology really would have paid off. Imagine sitting around with your friends on a Saturday afternoon after a late night. You take turns putting in your own videos, which were shot from your eyes' perspective, and see what happens. For instance, in my video, you might see a fist come flying at the camera, a quick view of the ceiling, and then it goes black and white. Pop in one of my friends videos next and you'll see me in the background walking up to a group of guys w/ baggy pants and sideways hats.
There's another solution, which is: become famous.
Nursing a hangover one morning, I was at a bar eating breakfast and the news channel was on. One of those tickers went by at the bottom of the screen saying something like: "Prince William and longtime girlfriend broke up last night. The Prince is quoted as saying that he's not yet ready for marriage."
Imagine if all your personal life stuff was shown on a ticker on a respected news channel, printed like it's actually news.
"After a late night at a local pub, John McMurphy and his ex-girlfriend, Sheila Moss, have rekindled their relationship. "She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I love you baby!" was the only quote we could get before they stumbled into their car, presumably driving drunk to one of their apartments."
And imagine if it carried on, like some famous people we know...
We asked Mr. McMurphy's close friend, Hal Morris, for his take on the situation. "Yeah, they always seemed right for each other. I think it's going to last."
However, Mr. McMurphy's other friend, identified only as 'Twinkles,' countered with this argument, " Bullshit man! They were both just hammered! I bet he kicks her out before 11 am tomorrow!"
I honestly can't imagine how ridiculous that would be.
In fact, that movie EDTv might be about that very thing.
Speaking of EdTV, there used to be a tv show called Ed, and it was pretty good. The main character now guests on Scrubs as JD's older brother, and Michael Ian Scott, from the Sierra Mist commercials, works at a bowling alley.
You know what, I probably could have put like 10 other legitimate shows down to identify Michael Ian Scott but I'm sticking with the Sierra Mist commercials.
You know who else is on those commercials? Jim Gaffigan.
We're coming full circle here, and I'm gonna mention a video of a crocodile that gets its dinner (a baby antelope or something) stolen from its jaws by a hippo...only to see the hippo let the thing free. Talk about a sandbag.
So let me check for this clip.
Oh, and furthermore susan, in our next issue we will delve a little deeper into what exactly a sandbag is, compare it to a stinkpalm, and also pitch a video game idea involving a tiger and a shark.
Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSvFYph0u8
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Yankees vs. Red Sox
People can't believe it when I say that I like the Yankees more than the Red Sox.
The Yankees? How can you like the Yankees?
They say it like it's a curse word.
Listen, I'm not saying that I like the Yankees. I'm just saying that I hate the Red Sox. You know what, I do like the Yankees. And I'll get to that point in a minute
First of all, unless you've been living under a rock, you know all about the curse, and about the rivaly, and all that nonsense that Red Sox fans are so happy to rant and rave about. (The only think I liked about them winning the World Series was that it meant they would finally shut up about curses and suffering).
There's two main reasons why I choose the Yankees over the Red Sox.
One is pretty personal.
As a Philadelphia sports fan, I take extreme offense to Red Sox fans claiming they are the longet-suffering fans. Don't even get me started. Let's just tackle this one with some bullet points so I can get on to my main point.
1. Philadelphia has a 4-sport drought covering 23 years.
2. Boston had a 1-sport drought covering 86 years. Great. Unless you were born in Nineteen-Dickety-Two, that drought has only affected you for so long.
(To put this in perspective, I was born literally months after Philadelphia's last championship...in any sport. So for every 20-something-year-old Boston fan who went 20 years w/o a World Series win and had to settle for basketball and football dynasties...don't expect me to feel sorry for you.)
That's my personal reason.
But the main reason is that Red Sox fans took that underdog routine way too far. I'm a fan of underdogs. I always lose my March Madness pools because I pick too many. But this Red Sox thing was ridiculous. And there's the problem. The Yankees, since day one, have been pretty upfront about their business. They field the best team money can buy. The Red Sox, as their fans would have you believe, are made up of career minor-leaguers, bargain players only they could find, and converted fishermen. Here's what I say to that: Manny Ramirez, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling. When your biggest reason to hate the Yankees is that they have the highest payroll, and your team has the second highest payroll, you're not gonna get too many backers.
I'm not a Yankees fan, but I respect the quality of the organization, same with Duke basketball. I like having the Yankees around. As a friend of mine recently put it, they're a great foil. You need to have the Yankees. Just like you need to have yin and yang...darkness and light...I don't know...gravity and...jetpacks.
So we need the Yankees, but we certainly don't need the Red Sox. Or their whiny fans and oversaturated media coverage.
Now I'm gonna go watch the Office.
Oh, and furthermore Susan, I think that every team that wins the World Series should have to play the Yankees to truly be champions. No matter what their record is, you need to go through them to win it all...kind of like the boss at the end of a video game.
I'm not sure if there is a way to post comments. But if there is, and you're reading this, let me know what you think (about yanks-sox and anything else I've written or haven't written about).
The Yankees? How can you like the Yankees?
They say it like it's a curse word.
Listen, I'm not saying that I like the Yankees. I'm just saying that I hate the Red Sox. You know what, I do like the Yankees. And I'll get to that point in a minute
First of all, unless you've been living under a rock, you know all about the curse, and about the rivaly, and all that nonsense that Red Sox fans are so happy to rant and rave about. (The only think I liked about them winning the World Series was that it meant they would finally shut up about curses and suffering).
There's two main reasons why I choose the Yankees over the Red Sox.
One is pretty personal.
As a Philadelphia sports fan, I take extreme offense to Red Sox fans claiming they are the longet-suffering fans. Don't even get me started. Let's just tackle this one with some bullet points so I can get on to my main point.
1. Philadelphia has a 4-sport drought covering 23 years.
2. Boston had a 1-sport drought covering 86 years. Great. Unless you were born in Nineteen-Dickety-Two, that drought has only affected you for so long.
(To put this in perspective, I was born literally months after Philadelphia's last championship...in any sport. So for every 20-something-year-old Boston fan who went 20 years w/o a World Series win and had to settle for basketball and football dynasties...don't expect me to feel sorry for you.)
That's my personal reason.
But the main reason is that Red Sox fans took that underdog routine way too far. I'm a fan of underdogs. I always lose my March Madness pools because I pick too many. But this Red Sox thing was ridiculous. And there's the problem. The Yankees, since day one, have been pretty upfront about their business. They field the best team money can buy. The Red Sox, as their fans would have you believe, are made up of career minor-leaguers, bargain players only they could find, and converted fishermen. Here's what I say to that: Manny Ramirez, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling. When your biggest reason to hate the Yankees is that they have the highest payroll, and your team has the second highest payroll, you're not gonna get too many backers.
I'm not a Yankees fan, but I respect the quality of the organization, same with Duke basketball. I like having the Yankees around. As a friend of mine recently put it, they're a great foil. You need to have the Yankees. Just like you need to have yin and yang...darkness and light...I don't know...gravity and...jetpacks.
So we need the Yankees, but we certainly don't need the Red Sox. Or their whiny fans and oversaturated media coverage.
Now I'm gonna go watch the Office.
Oh, and furthermore Susan, I think that every team that wins the World Series should have to play the Yankees to truly be champions. No matter what their record is, you need to go through them to win it all...kind of like the boss at the end of a video game.
I'm not sure if there is a way to post comments. But if there is, and you're reading this, let me know what you think (about yanks-sox and anything else I've written or haven't written about).
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Speaking of Steroids...
Since I strive to keep this blog up to date, let's talk about a brand new phenomenon that is sweeping the country...American Idol!
No, just kidding, we're talking about steroids, which is quite possibly one of the most beaten-into-the-ground stories in the news.
So I guess it can't hurt for me to throw my hat in the ring.
Let's just try and process this as normal, common-sensical human beings.
There's no question guys like McGwire, Sosa, and Bonds have been taking them, and it's been pretty well-documented in Olympic sports - where a split-second can mean the difference between gold and bronze - that athletes have been testing positive.
Now I don't defend steroids, but some people are so unapologetic about athletes using them that you know what, I am going to defend steroids. Right now.
Point #1: It's not like a magic potion that makes you a better athlete. Steroids allow you to get that extra rep in during a workout, or push yourself a little harder during a sprint, and yeah, they can cause muscle build-up that goes above and beyond what a normal person could accomplish. But the fact is, if I took steroids for a year, I still wouldn't be able to hit a curve ball, or run any faster than I do now. Because they don't work if you don't put the work in.
Point #2: This is their job. You've never cheated to get ahead? There's been plenty of cases of teachers doctoring their students' exams so they pass state tests. Who does that benefit? Not the students, who aren't learning anything. But it sure does make the teacher look good when all of her students pass exams. And let's say you didn't cheat on that Calculus class in college. Maybe you would have gotten a D, and maybe you wouldn't have graduated with such a great GPA, and maybe the company you work for wouldn't hire you. Or better yet...
Point #3: Adderal and Ritalin. You can throw any prescription drug in there that helps you focus and stay up later. I see a direct correlation here. If you don't actually study, the pills won't do anything for you, except give you dry mouth and insomnia...just like if you take steroids and don't work out. College kids all across the country are abusing these pills in order to pass classes and graduate with immaculate records...in order to get a great job and get paid.
Point #4: Kenny Rogers and Lawrence Taylor. If you don't think Rogers was cheating in the Playoffs last year, you're kidding yourself. That brown smudge on his hand, which he claimed was "a clump of dirt" that accidentaly stuck to him? Photos show that it must have "accidentally" stuck to his hand at least 5 other times that year. And Lawrence Taylor has done cocaine at halftime of football games. Just think about that.
Speaking of LT, everyone makes such a big deal about baseball players on steroids. Yet football players seem to get looked over. Think about those 320 pound linemen working out all summer. And keep in mind that like half the 2003 Carolina Panthers... yes, the team that beat the Eagles in the NFC championship game...were convicted of taking steroids. And to top it off, one of the guys caught was the punter. The punter! Throw in Shawn Merriman, who was also convicted, and then try to remember Albert Haynesworth. Not the moment when he stepped on another player's face with his cleats, but right afterwards, when he was totally freaking out, yelling at the refs and his coach. What do you call that? Rage? Is that right? Blind rage? Steroids, eh....
At this point, everything in life (and sports) is so corrupted, that what can you do?
Just deal with it.
So when Bonds breaks Aaron's record, take comfort that for a lot of those homers, he was still the size of a normal human being. And that some of the pitchers he faced must have been on steroids, too. And that he has no friends and nobody likes him. And that he probably could hit .400 if people pitched to him.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan:
Ricky Williams was kicked out of the NFL for smoking marijuana.
Shawn Merriman missed 4 games for injecting steroids.
Must have been some of that performance-enhancing marijuana that I've heard so much about.
Have a great evening.
Down With Dope!
No, just kidding, we're talking about steroids, which is quite possibly one of the most beaten-into-the-ground stories in the news.
So I guess it can't hurt for me to throw my hat in the ring.
Let's just try and process this as normal, common-sensical human beings.
There's no question guys like McGwire, Sosa, and Bonds have been taking them, and it's been pretty well-documented in Olympic sports - where a split-second can mean the difference between gold and bronze - that athletes have been testing positive.
Now I don't defend steroids, but some people are so unapologetic about athletes using them that you know what, I am going to defend steroids. Right now.
Point #1: It's not like a magic potion that makes you a better athlete. Steroids allow you to get that extra rep in during a workout, or push yourself a little harder during a sprint, and yeah, they can cause muscle build-up that goes above and beyond what a normal person could accomplish. But the fact is, if I took steroids for a year, I still wouldn't be able to hit a curve ball, or run any faster than I do now. Because they don't work if you don't put the work in.
Point #2: This is their job. You've never cheated to get ahead? There's been plenty of cases of teachers doctoring their students' exams so they pass state tests. Who does that benefit? Not the students, who aren't learning anything. But it sure does make the teacher look good when all of her students pass exams. And let's say you didn't cheat on that Calculus class in college. Maybe you would have gotten a D, and maybe you wouldn't have graduated with such a great GPA, and maybe the company you work for wouldn't hire you. Or better yet...
Point #3: Adderal and Ritalin. You can throw any prescription drug in there that helps you focus and stay up later. I see a direct correlation here. If you don't actually study, the pills won't do anything for you, except give you dry mouth and insomnia...just like if you take steroids and don't work out. College kids all across the country are abusing these pills in order to pass classes and graduate with immaculate records...in order to get a great job and get paid.
Point #4: Kenny Rogers and Lawrence Taylor. If you don't think Rogers was cheating in the Playoffs last year, you're kidding yourself. That brown smudge on his hand, which he claimed was "a clump of dirt" that accidentaly stuck to him? Photos show that it must have "accidentally" stuck to his hand at least 5 other times that year. And Lawrence Taylor has done cocaine at halftime of football games. Just think about that.
Speaking of LT, everyone makes such a big deal about baseball players on steroids. Yet football players seem to get looked over. Think about those 320 pound linemen working out all summer. And keep in mind that like half the 2003 Carolina Panthers... yes, the team that beat the Eagles in the NFC championship game...were convicted of taking steroids. And to top it off, one of the guys caught was the punter. The punter! Throw in Shawn Merriman, who was also convicted, and then try to remember Albert Haynesworth. Not the moment when he stepped on another player's face with his cleats, but right afterwards, when he was totally freaking out, yelling at the refs and his coach. What do you call that? Rage? Is that right? Blind rage? Steroids, eh....
At this point, everything in life (and sports) is so corrupted, that what can you do?
Just deal with it.
So when Bonds breaks Aaron's record, take comfort that for a lot of those homers, he was still the size of a normal human being. And that some of the pitchers he faced must have been on steroids, too. And that he has no friends and nobody likes him. And that he probably could hit .400 if people pitched to him.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan:
Ricky Williams was kicked out of the NFL for smoking marijuana.
Shawn Merriman missed 4 games for injecting steroids.
Must have been some of that performance-enhancing marijuana that I've heard so much about.
Have a great evening.
Down With Dope!
Monday, April 9, 2007
On the State of Jump-Shooting Cornerbacks...and more
First, let me say this:
Either fantasy baseball sucks, or I'm not as big a nerd as I thought.
Seriously, it would require me quitting my job in order to properly field a team.
I think the reason it's not working for me is the same thing that keeps me from getting into shows like 24, Lost, and the like, which is... I don't know.
Lack of attention span? Lack of TiVo?
Time will tell, or maybe not. Anyway, on to the blog.
Nostradomus had it easy on this one: Phils' bullpen blows another game! Great start, guys.
Speaking of Nostradomus, I was reading an article in Philadelphia Magazine about a mom who was going nuts over her child's college application process.
Her daughter answered the question, what 3 people from history would you have dinner with and why?
She answered like, Martin Luther King, Queen Elizabeth, I don't know, a lot of pretty poor answers. If I was on a college admissions staff, I would appreciate a kid who answered honestly. And for a 17-year-old kid, honesty will most likely include at least one actor or musician or popular teen idol. Seriously, wouldn't you rather have dinner with Britney Spears or Mick Jagger or Tom Cruise?
Anyway, my answer, as a 23-year-old college graduate, would be: Nostradomus, Hunter S. Thompson, and Jerry Garcia.
To recap, a doctor/prognosticator from the Middle Ages, a modern day psychadelic guitar player, and a reporter from the heart of the American counterculture.
I put a lot of thought not just in to the people I would like to talk to, but the dynamics of the group as a whole. You have to admit, hanging with that group would be pretty ridiculous and/or mind-bottling....
...you know, like when your thoughts are all trapped, like in a bottle.
Let me leave you with a list.
4 Songs that are better (or at least really good) acoustic:
1. Everlong - Foo Fighters
2. Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
3. Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
4. Here it Goes Again - OK Go
As an addendum to the list,
1 Song that I would like to hear acoustic (or just covered in a new way)
Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
And furthermore, Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that the 2004 NFC Champion Philadelphia Eagles could have quite possibly fielded the greatest pick-up basketball team in NFL history.
PG Brian Dawkins (hard-nosed floor general a la Isiah Thomas)
SG Lito Sheppard (silky-smooth jump shot, great defense)
SF Terrell Owens (got invited to play for the Sacramento Kings summer league team)
PF Donovan McNabb (played Div. I ball at Syracuse)
C Jevon Kearse (they don't call him the freak for nothing)
Maybe add in LJ Smith, on account of all tight ends being great at basketball, and Jon Runyan, for intimidation purposes, and you've got a nice team.
Got anything better?
Either fantasy baseball sucks, or I'm not as big a nerd as I thought.
Seriously, it would require me quitting my job in order to properly field a team.
I think the reason it's not working for me is the same thing that keeps me from getting into shows like 24, Lost, and the like, which is... I don't know.
Lack of attention span? Lack of TiVo?
Time will tell, or maybe not. Anyway, on to the blog.
Nostradomus had it easy on this one: Phils' bullpen blows another game! Great start, guys.
Speaking of Nostradomus, I was reading an article in Philadelphia Magazine about a mom who was going nuts over her child's college application process.
Her daughter answered the question, what 3 people from history would you have dinner with and why?
She answered like, Martin Luther King, Queen Elizabeth, I don't know, a lot of pretty poor answers. If I was on a college admissions staff, I would appreciate a kid who answered honestly. And for a 17-year-old kid, honesty will most likely include at least one actor or musician or popular teen idol. Seriously, wouldn't you rather have dinner with Britney Spears or Mick Jagger or Tom Cruise?
Anyway, my answer, as a 23-year-old college graduate, would be: Nostradomus, Hunter S. Thompson, and Jerry Garcia.
To recap, a doctor/prognosticator from the Middle Ages, a modern day psychadelic guitar player, and a reporter from the heart of the American counterculture.
I put a lot of thought not just in to the people I would like to talk to, but the dynamics of the group as a whole. You have to admit, hanging with that group would be pretty ridiculous and/or mind-bottling....
...you know, like when your thoughts are all trapped, like in a bottle.
Let me leave you with a list.
4 Songs that are better (or at least really good) acoustic:
1. Everlong - Foo Fighters
2. Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
3. Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
4. Here it Goes Again - OK Go
As an addendum to the list,
1 Song that I would like to hear acoustic (or just covered in a new way)
Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
And furthermore, Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that the 2004 NFC Champion Philadelphia Eagles could have quite possibly fielded the greatest pick-up basketball team in NFL history.
PG Brian Dawkins (hard-nosed floor general a la Isiah Thomas)
SG Lito Sheppard (silky-smooth jump shot, great defense)
SF Terrell Owens (got invited to play for the Sacramento Kings summer league team)
PF Donovan McNabb (played Div. I ball at Syracuse)
C Jevon Kearse (they don't call him the freak for nothing)
Maybe add in LJ Smith, on account of all tight ends being great at basketball, and Jon Runyan, for intimidation purposes, and you've got a nice team.
Got anything better?
Thursday, April 5, 2007
More on the Phils
A couple of quick comments from the game the other night.
First of all, I know it goes against everything Philadelphia fans believe in, and I know he deserves it, but I think we should all stop booing Pat Burrell.
Listen, I know he sucks.
You know he sucks.
Hell, he knows he sucks.
But booing isn't gonna do anything good.
He's on our team, we need him to play his best, so let's cut him a break.
Here's what we can expect from him: 30 Home Runs, 100 RBI, countless called third strikes, and no clutch hitting.
If we get less than that, go ahead and boo.
But that's what we've come to expect, and that's (apparently) what we're paying him for, so let's just deal with it.
On a related note, people were throwing trash from the upper levels at the game on Wednesday.
I understand it's dollar dog night and college night, but that doesn't make any sense.
Trashing your home stadium?
Littering your field?
Throwing hot dog wrappers and beer bottles at the players you're paying to see?
Plus, the majority of it didn't even reach the field and just landed on other fans.
Other Philadelphia fans.
It doesn't make any sense.
Acting like that, it was embarassing to be a Philly fan.
And we don't deserve a championship.
I'm not trying to preach from my high horse, and you can bet that once we do win a championship I'll be on the 6 o'clock news burning couches and painting things inappropriate colors...but until then, let's just stick to what got us here:
Heckling opponents, second-guessing management, and vastly underrating our superstars.
Philadelphia, baby. Gotta love it.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, there will most likely be a brief moratorium on the blog until after the weekend, so you're gonna have to live without me.
On a final note, check out this clip, it's pretty hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yy3eUYlUU8
First of all, I know it goes against everything Philadelphia fans believe in, and I know he deserves it, but I think we should all stop booing Pat Burrell.
Listen, I know he sucks.
You know he sucks.
Hell, he knows he sucks.
But booing isn't gonna do anything good.
He's on our team, we need him to play his best, so let's cut him a break.
Here's what we can expect from him: 30 Home Runs, 100 RBI, countless called third strikes, and no clutch hitting.
If we get less than that, go ahead and boo.
But that's what we've come to expect, and that's (apparently) what we're paying him for, so let's just deal with it.
On a related note, people were throwing trash from the upper levels at the game on Wednesday.
I understand it's dollar dog night and college night, but that doesn't make any sense.
Trashing your home stadium?
Littering your field?
Throwing hot dog wrappers and beer bottles at the players you're paying to see?
Plus, the majority of it didn't even reach the field and just landed on other fans.
Other Philadelphia fans.
It doesn't make any sense.
Acting like that, it was embarassing to be a Philly fan.
And we don't deserve a championship.
I'm not trying to preach from my high horse, and you can bet that once we do win a championship I'll be on the 6 o'clock news burning couches and painting things inappropriate colors...but until then, let's just stick to what got us here:
Heckling opponents, second-guessing management, and vastly underrating our superstars.
Philadelphia, baby. Gotta love it.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, there will most likely be a brief moratorium on the blog until after the weekend, so you're gonna have to live without me.
On a final note, check out this clip, it's pretty hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yy3eUYlUU8
Chomp Chomp!
Phils lost again.
Game-tying home run in the 9th inning.
Just like we've all said along, the bullpen is gonna make it hard for us this year.
It's like playing soccer without a goalie.
Still, though, I think we could have kept the game out of reach of the bullpens' hands. I'm probably missing something, but why would we have Victorina attempt to steal 3rd base with Ryan Howard up?? If he doesn't get walked, you know he'll hit it far enough to score a man from second...and if he gets walked, Utley is up next. But no. You had Victorino get caught stealing third, and then Howard thrown out at the plate.
That inning could have won us the game.
Oh well, it was great to get back to the ballpark, and see a game go extra innings.
We better get some relief.
maalox?
rolaids?
Let's bring back that list from the other day, add a new category, and see what happens...
Introducing....
The Best Pro Nicknames
(in no particular order)
1. Chase the Bat (a simple yet effective variation of pat the bat)
2. T.J. Who'syourdaddy
3. Tim Biakabahtuaba (Touchdown Tim!)
4. Eric "sleeping with" Bieneimy
5. The Round Mound of Rebound, Sir Charles Barkley
And of course,
Someone too good to even be on a list...
Darren "Dutch" Daulton
Which reminds me, someday soon we will go over "High Hopes," the official, or at least the best, DVD of the 93 Phillies.
Let's just say it's hosted by Krukker and LA.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, let's go ahead and leave you with a line from Darren Daulton...
Are you ready?
I'm not gonna lie. I spent at leat 10 minutes looking at Dutch quotes on the internet. Bottom line, they are all ridiculous but need to be seen together to really appreciate it. He is a straight-shooter all the way.
I don't know how to post links, but I will try right now
http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89366
score.
Game-tying home run in the 9th inning.
Just like we've all said along, the bullpen is gonna make it hard for us this year.
It's like playing soccer without a goalie.
Still, though, I think we could have kept the game out of reach of the bullpens' hands. I'm probably missing something, but why would we have Victorina attempt to steal 3rd base with Ryan Howard up?? If he doesn't get walked, you know he'll hit it far enough to score a man from second...and if he gets walked, Utley is up next. But no. You had Victorino get caught stealing third, and then Howard thrown out at the plate.
That inning could have won us the game.
Oh well, it was great to get back to the ballpark, and see a game go extra innings.
We better get some relief.
maalox?
rolaids?
Let's bring back that list from the other day, add a new category, and see what happens...
Introducing....
The Best Pro Nicknames
(in no particular order)
1. Chase the Bat (a simple yet effective variation of pat the bat)
2. T.J. Who'syourdaddy
3. Tim Biakabahtuaba (Touchdown Tim!)
4. Eric "sleeping with" Bieneimy
5. The Round Mound of Rebound, Sir Charles Barkley
And of course,
Someone too good to even be on a list...
Darren "Dutch" Daulton
Which reminds me, someday soon we will go over "High Hopes," the official, or at least the best, DVD of the 93 Phillies.
Let's just say it's hosted by Krukker and LA.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, let's go ahead and leave you with a line from Darren Daulton...
Are you ready?
I'm not gonna lie. I spent at leat 10 minutes looking at Dutch quotes on the internet. Bottom line, they are all ridiculous but need to be seen together to really appreciate it. He is a straight-shooter all the way.
I don't know how to post links, but I will try right now
http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89366
score.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Paper Thin Walls
Good evening, ladies and gents.
Just received the new Kings of Leon and Modest Mouse cds in the mail today. (Because of the Times & We Were Dead Before this Ship Began to Sink, respectively)
Haven't listened to Modest Mouse yet, but the Kings cd shows promise.
It is definitely a lot denser than the first two albums, more "slow-burners" if you will. In that respect, it reminds me of the Strokes' third album, First Impressions of Earth. Nothing is going to jump out at you like The Bucket, California Waiting, or Slow Night, So Long did on previous albums. However, I have a feeling that after a couple of listens it's gonna be stuck in my head forever.
In other news, Keith Richards claims to have snorted his father. Literally. He mixed his dead dad's ashes with cocaine and snorted them. Let's get a quote.
"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."
Keith Richards, everybody!
Well, the Phils lost yesterday in their home opener, thanks to a bullpen that everyone knew would suck. At least they're living up to expectations. At this point, I can see it being a recurring theme, unless we jump on team's early and blow them out, or get complete games from our starters.
I will be attending the game tomorrow night, so you can expect some better results.
And thanks to leaving work early, I should be able to get about 2 hrs. of tailgating in, which leads us to our first ever list.
So here we go, in no particular order...
Great Lawn (or beack, parking lot, office building) Sports
1. Horseshoes ("Horseshoes!" - Arrested Development (the band))
2. Bocce (my personal favorite, especially extreme bocce)
3. Washers (easy to make, easy to play)
4. Cornhole (don't let the name deceive you, and thank you W&L for the intro.)
5. Quates (a mixture of horseshoes, washers, and cornhole)
That's all I can come up with for now. Feel free to e-mail any suggestions.
On that note, enjoy the night, and Go Phils!
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, I think I should leave you with a Modest Mouse quote since I didn't really mention anything about the new album.
"It's been agreed the whole world stinks so no one's taking showers anymore."
Can't beat that.
Peace.
Just received the new Kings of Leon and Modest Mouse cds in the mail today. (Because of the Times & We Were Dead Before this Ship Began to Sink, respectively)
Haven't listened to Modest Mouse yet, but the Kings cd shows promise.
It is definitely a lot denser than the first two albums, more "slow-burners" if you will. In that respect, it reminds me of the Strokes' third album, First Impressions of Earth. Nothing is going to jump out at you like The Bucket, California Waiting, or Slow Night, So Long did on previous albums. However, I have a feeling that after a couple of listens it's gonna be stuck in my head forever.
In other news, Keith Richards claims to have snorted his father. Literally. He mixed his dead dad's ashes with cocaine and snorted them. Let's get a quote.
"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."
Keith Richards, everybody!
Well, the Phils lost yesterday in their home opener, thanks to a bullpen that everyone knew would suck. At least they're living up to expectations. At this point, I can see it being a recurring theme, unless we jump on team's early and blow them out, or get complete games from our starters.
I will be attending the game tomorrow night, so you can expect some better results.
And thanks to leaving work early, I should be able to get about 2 hrs. of tailgating in, which leads us to our first ever list.
So here we go, in no particular order...
Great Lawn (or beack, parking lot, office building) Sports
1. Horseshoes ("Horseshoes!" - Arrested Development (the band))
2. Bocce (my personal favorite, especially extreme bocce)
3. Washers (easy to make, easy to play)
4. Cornhole (don't let the name deceive you, and thank you W&L for the intro.)
5. Quates (a mixture of horseshoes, washers, and cornhole)
That's all I can come up with for now. Feel free to e-mail any suggestions.
On that note, enjoy the night, and Go Phils!
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, I think I should leave you with a Modest Mouse quote since I didn't really mention anything about the new album.
"It's been agreed the whole world stinks so no one's taking showers anymore."
Can't beat that.
Peace.
Monday, April 2, 2007
March Madness (cont'd)
I just wrote the follow-up to March Madness detailing the Final Four match-ups (Weezer-Pearl Jam and RHCP-Sublime), and was literally on the very last sentence of the re-cap (writing the lyrics from the breakdown in Soul 2 Squeeze from memory) when my computer froze and erased everything. Needless to say, I am kind of pissed, and won't be writing that again.
Let me try and remember what I had written.
Something funny about Weezer losing to Pearl Jam, probably.
Some great jokes about overdosing in the RHCP-Sublime game...something along the lines of the Chili Peppers going on a run after John Frusciante returned from early foul trouble and how Sublime wasn't playing with any life in the 4th quarter.
Anyhoo, the majority of the article detailed the championship between RHCP and Pearl Jam.
There was a comparison of Pearl Jam to the Rolling Stones, with Nirvana playing the role of the Beatles...started in same place at same time, one peaked early and one kept on chugging along...
and also the reasoning behind the Chili Peppers' 87-84 win, which was capped off with a buzzer-beating three by Soul 2 Squeeze.
Speaking of which...
it's bitter baby and it's very sweet on a rollercoaster let me on your feet take me to the river let me on your shore ill be coming back baby ill be coming back for more swing a ling a ding a shug a dawg a doo im a mama wama and chugga chugga choo i could never forget and i will not remember simple pleasure was another but i wont regret it never!
I think that's word for word.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, I think that by the end of the Aught-Aughts (2000's), the 90s music I so dearly love might actually get a run for its money from some of the recent music if bands like The Strokes, Kings of Leon, White Stripes/Raconteurs, and all the other bands out right now can keep their shit together. Time will tell.
Let me try and remember what I had written.
Something funny about Weezer losing to Pearl Jam, probably.
Some great jokes about overdosing in the RHCP-Sublime game...something along the lines of the Chili Peppers going on a run after John Frusciante returned from early foul trouble and how Sublime wasn't playing with any life in the 4th quarter.
Anyhoo, the majority of the article detailed the championship between RHCP and Pearl Jam.
There was a comparison of Pearl Jam to the Rolling Stones, with Nirvana playing the role of the Beatles...started in same place at same time, one peaked early and one kept on chugging along...
and also the reasoning behind the Chili Peppers' 87-84 win, which was capped off with a buzzer-beating three by Soul 2 Squeeze.
Speaking of which...
it's bitter baby and it's very sweet on a rollercoaster let me on your feet take me to the river let me on your shore ill be coming back baby ill be coming back for more swing a ling a ding a shug a dawg a doo im a mama wama and chugga chugga choo i could never forget and i will not remember simple pleasure was another but i wont regret it never!
I think that's word for word.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, I think that by the end of the Aught-Aughts (2000's), the 90s music I so dearly love might actually get a run for its money from some of the recent music if bands like The Strokes, Kings of Leon, White Stripes/Raconteurs, and all the other bands out right now can keep their shit together. Time will tell.
March Madness
Tonight is the NCAA championship. My money is on Florida They will win by at least 5 (hopefully). In the spirit of the season, let's try our hands at everyone's second favorite March Madness pasttime....that's right...a March Madness Music bracket! It's always fun comparing music to sports (I once made two baseball line-ups comparing American and British rock...unfortunately we lost to those limey bastards (the Sex Pistols were a surprise lockdown closer and Led Zep batted clean-up a la Ryan Howard))
So let's get on with it. In the spirit of brevity, we're already down to the Elite Eight. Also, The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd mistakenly accepted invitations to the NIT. Good riddance, I say.
On to the first round match-ups:
(1)Nirvana vs. (8) Weezer
For the first time in history, a #1 seed has gone down in the first round! Blame it on Nirvana being a little rusty (they haven't practiced in like 8 years) or Weezer's frontman Rivers Cuomo constructing an excellent gameplan (that Harvard degree finally paid off), either way, I'm glad. Nirvana goes home packing.
(2)Pearl Jam vs. (7) Oasis
Nirvana's Seattle brethren fared a little better. The years on the road made PJ a battle-tested warrior, and they were able to outlast an admittedly winded Oasis. Rumor has it the Gallagher bros. engaged in some heavy pre-gaming on the flight across the Atlantic...and we're not talking about practice.
(3)Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (6) Dave Matthews Band
In the battle of the abbreviated mega-bands, RHCP firmly took control in the fourth quarter as DMB began to wilt. RHCP has looked sharper than any other team so far, and may be an early favorite to cut down the nets. Let's see what happens in our final game from a stupendous opening round, the always exciting 4-5 match-up.
(4)U2 vs. (5) Sublime
A game featuring contrasting styles such as these is always interesting. U2, with it's nuanced offense and dogged approach to 'D' started the game with an attitude, apparently upset with their #4 seed. However, Sublime came out all over the place, shooting 3's, taking charges, and generally playing loud, out-of-control basketball that seemed to disrupt The Edge's low-post moves and Bono's calls for Peace. Sublime's the winner.
Should be an interesting Final Four: Weezer vs. Pearl Jam in our Eastern conference final, followed by RHCP vs. Sublime in our Western conference final. I love this game!
Final Four: 9:21 EST. Weezer +4.5, RHCP -1.5
So let's get on with it. In the spirit of brevity, we're already down to the Elite Eight. Also, The Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd mistakenly accepted invitations to the NIT. Good riddance, I say.
On to the first round match-ups:
(1)Nirvana vs. (8) Weezer
For the first time in history, a #1 seed has gone down in the first round! Blame it on Nirvana being a little rusty (they haven't practiced in like 8 years) or Weezer's frontman Rivers Cuomo constructing an excellent gameplan (that Harvard degree finally paid off), either way, I'm glad. Nirvana goes home packing.
(2)Pearl Jam vs. (7) Oasis
Nirvana's Seattle brethren fared a little better. The years on the road made PJ a battle-tested warrior, and they were able to outlast an admittedly winded Oasis. Rumor has it the Gallagher bros. engaged in some heavy pre-gaming on the flight across the Atlantic...and we're not talking about practice.
(3)Red Hot Chili Peppers vs. (6) Dave Matthews Band
In the battle of the abbreviated mega-bands, RHCP firmly took control in the fourth quarter as DMB began to wilt. RHCP has looked sharper than any other team so far, and may be an early favorite to cut down the nets. Let's see what happens in our final game from a stupendous opening round, the always exciting 4-5 match-up.
(4)U2 vs. (5) Sublime
A game featuring contrasting styles such as these is always interesting. U2, with it's nuanced offense and dogged approach to 'D' started the game with an attitude, apparently upset with their #4 seed. However, Sublime came out all over the place, shooting 3's, taking charges, and generally playing loud, out-of-control basketball that seemed to disrupt The Edge's low-post moves and Bono's calls for Peace. Sublime's the winner.
Should be an interesting Final Four: Weezer vs. Pearl Jam in our Eastern conference final, followed by RHCP vs. Sublime in our Western conference final. I love this game!
Final Four: 9:21 EST. Weezer +4.5, RHCP -1.5
Sunday, April 1, 2007
More on Pandora...and a movie pitch
So I mentioned Pandora.com in my last blog. I think I sold it short saying it's for indie/alternative rock. It's great for every type of music. Here's how it works: you type in a band's name on the website, and it automatically creates a radio station featuring that band and similar artists. Most of the bands you will never have heard of before. I first checked it out by putting in Red Hot Chili Peppers. From there I got kind of addicted and added like 10 bands. The coolest thing about it is all the stations stay saved, so now when I log in, I can choose which station to play, or I can play a compilation station, which is perfect, because it mixes all the statoins together. I've got a Roots station and a Talking Heads station and a few others, so it turns out to be a pretty sweet mix. And it's 100% free. I highly recommend it.
Since it's a Sunday and I have to go to work tomorrow, let's pitch a quick movie idea.
Picture Matthew Simon. He was president of his high school, went to a great college, grad school, works at a law firm, etc... Basically he has his shit together. Well now he's a little down in the dumps (girfriend broke up with him, got passed up for a promotion, some other stuff that I don't really want to go in to). Anyway, he kind of snaps, thinking how he spent his whole life preparing for the next thing. He was that guy who always had things planned out, always needed a reason for things. Now he is sitting in his old bedroom at his parent's house, flipping through his high school yearbook, wondering what went wrong. Fast forward to what's gonna happen in the movie:
He and three of his old buddies who haven't really done much with their lives end up going back to their old high school as teachers. Matthew is principal, his nerdy poindexter friend becomes the geometry teacher, his jock friend becomes football coach/gym teacher, and his smart stoner buddy ends up teaching history. Oh, and this sleazeball guy who tags along becomes the janitor.
Now, my original idea would have been for like, a total comedy. Picture Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, etc, playing the roles, or maybe the guys from Super Troopers. Instead, it might be a bit more serious, instead of just goofball funny. This is for 2 reasons. 1. Matthew realizes how these high school kids are falling for the same stuff he did, taking things too seriously, always looking ahead instead of enjoying the moment and 2. Because all the characters get something out of it in the end. The geometry teacher gets confidence by proving to himself that he is smart and he can talk in front of people and stuff. The stoner buddy gets really into history. He never had to try before so this gives him some direction. He is the one that ends up staying and being a teacher after the end of the movie. The ex-jock meathead guy gets back into shape and stops reliving his glory days (this guy was wearing his varsity jacket 12 years after the fact), and the sleazeball janitor gets to oogle high school chicks.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, our old buddy Matthew Simon gets some meaning out of his life, and probably falls in love with some blonde science teacher who happens to be smoking hot.
Since it's a Sunday and I have to go to work tomorrow, let's pitch a quick movie idea.
Picture Matthew Simon. He was president of his high school, went to a great college, grad school, works at a law firm, etc... Basically he has his shit together. Well now he's a little down in the dumps (girfriend broke up with him, got passed up for a promotion, some other stuff that I don't really want to go in to). Anyway, he kind of snaps, thinking how he spent his whole life preparing for the next thing. He was that guy who always had things planned out, always needed a reason for things. Now he is sitting in his old bedroom at his parent's house, flipping through his high school yearbook, wondering what went wrong. Fast forward to what's gonna happen in the movie:
He and three of his old buddies who haven't really done much with their lives end up going back to their old high school as teachers. Matthew is principal, his nerdy poindexter friend becomes the geometry teacher, his jock friend becomes football coach/gym teacher, and his smart stoner buddy ends up teaching history. Oh, and this sleazeball guy who tags along becomes the janitor.
Now, my original idea would have been for like, a total comedy. Picture Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, etc, playing the roles, or maybe the guys from Super Troopers. Instead, it might be a bit more serious, instead of just goofball funny. This is for 2 reasons. 1. Matthew realizes how these high school kids are falling for the same stuff he did, taking things too seriously, always looking ahead instead of enjoying the moment and 2. Because all the characters get something out of it in the end. The geometry teacher gets confidence by proving to himself that he is smart and he can talk in front of people and stuff. The stoner buddy gets really into history. He never had to try before so this gives him some direction. He is the one that ends up staying and being a teacher after the end of the movie. The ex-jock meathead guy gets back into shape and stops reliving his glory days (this guy was wearing his varsity jacket 12 years after the fact), and the sleazeball janitor gets to oogle high school chicks.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, our old buddy Matthew Simon gets some meaning out of his life, and probably falls in love with some blonde science teacher who happens to be smoking hot.
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