Tigers vs. Sharks

Just a few quick thoughts on a rainy Sunday night.

It's April 15th and there is snow in the forecast. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. I'll give you an inconvenient truth...to the face!

Planet Earth is probably the greatest television show ever created. It should get its own channel. As of right now, it is on the Discovery Channel. I highly recommend it, especially if you have HD.

I will be leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday. If only I could somehow film myself the entire time. Maybe I'll get one of those ski helmets w/ a camera built in....or hire my own E! True Hollywood Story video crew like in Along Came Polly.

This brings me to my next point. We need to be able to film ourselves at all times, without having to lug a giant camera around. There were a few instances this past weekend where that kind of technology really would have paid off. Imagine sitting around with your friends on a Saturday afternoon after a late night. You take turns putting in your own videos, which were shot from your eyes' perspective, and see what happens. For instance, in my video, you might see a fist come flying at the camera, a quick view of the ceiling, and then it goes black and white. Pop in one of my friends videos next and you'll see me in the background walking up to a group of guys w/ baggy pants and sideways hats.

There's another solution, which is: become famous.

Nursing a hangover one morning, I was at a bar eating breakfast and the news channel was on. One of those tickers went by at the bottom of the screen saying something like: "Prince William and longtime girlfriend broke up last night. The Prince is quoted as saying that he's not yet ready for marriage."

Imagine if all your personal life stuff was shown on a ticker on a respected news channel, printed like it's actually news.

"After a late night at a local pub, John McMurphy and his ex-girlfriend, Sheila Moss, have rekindled their relationship. "She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I love you baby!" was the only quote we could get before they stumbled into their car, presumably driving drunk to one of their apartments."

And imagine if it carried on, like some famous people we know...

We asked Mr. McMurphy's close friend, Hal Morris, for his take on the situation. "Yeah, they always seemed right for each other. I think it's going to last."

However, Mr. McMurphy's other friend, identified only as 'Twinkles,' countered with this argument, " Bullshit man! They were both just hammered! I bet he kicks her out before 11 am tomorrow!"

I honestly can't imagine how ridiculous that would be.

In fact, that movie EDTv might be about that very thing.

Speaking of EdTV, there used to be a tv show called Ed, and it was pretty good. The main character now guests on Scrubs as JD's older brother, and Michael Ian Scott, from the Sierra Mist commercials, works at a bowling alley.

You know what, I probably could have put like 10 other legitimate shows down to identify Michael Ian Scott but I'm sticking with the Sierra Mist commercials.

You know who else is on those commercials? Jim Gaffigan.

We're coming full circle here, and I'm gonna mention a video of a crocodile that gets its dinner (a baby antelope or something) stolen from its jaws by a hippo...only to see the hippo let the thing free. Talk about a sandbag.

So let me check for this clip.

Oh, and furthermore susan, in our next issue we will delve a little deeper into what exactly a sandbag is, compare it to a stinkpalm, and also pitch a video game idea involving a tiger and a shark.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSvFYph0u8