Philadelphia Daily News

Here is the article I wrote for the Daily News. I wrote it my sophomore year of college but didn't send it in until my senior year. It ran on my birthday.

The Job of a Philadelphia Sports Fan
By Robert Smyth

I confess. I’m the guy. Scores of sports-loving Philadelphians would love to get their hands on me if they only knew what I have done over the years. You see, I am single-handedly responsible for all the failure and ineptitude of our beloved sports franchises. Every bad pitch, every dropped ball, every missed shot and stupid penalty, they’re all my fault.

As a sports-loving Philadelphian myself, I’ve watched my share of Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, and Phillies games, and at an early age, I realized that I had a unique connection to the teams playing. An intrinsic bond, perhaps. Maybe even a little telepathy mixed in there. I now watch games not for enjoyment, but because it is my job.

When something goes wrong, I know it is because I let them down. Remember that shellacking the Tampa Bay Buccaneers gave the Eagles in the NFC Championship last year? Well I ditched all my friends to watch it at my girlfriend’s house. The overtime goal Ottawa scored on the Flyers to end our playoff hopes? Bathroom break. See, every move I make, every thought I think, beer I drink, and chip I eat plays a direct role in the game I’m watching. When Joe Carter hit the ninth inning home run off of Mitch Williams to win the World Series, I was in my place, trying to do everything right. My mom asked me a question and I refused to respond. I had a chip in my mouth but I refused to swallow. But then out of nowhere, I had to go and crack my knuckles – a silence-breaking omen of popping bone that still haunts me to this day, followed immediately by a silence-breaking pop of bat on ball.

I let us down. And I can say “us” you see, because I am a part of the team. It’s not easy handling all this responsibility. If the Sixers are blowing a team out in the fourth quarter, I can’t leave the game to beat traffic like everyone else. No, the second I turn my head I know I will hear a groan from the fans, marking the beginning of a record-setting comeback. It may seem like a curse, but I’m glad to have this distinction. Better me than somebody else; I know my job and I try my best.

Then again, since I was born in 1983, no Philly team has won a championship – the longest losing streak of any city with four major sports. Don’t blame it all on me, though. Without me, our teams may have been stuck in the cellar of their respective divisions forever. Although I am responsible for the mishaps, I am also responsible for the positive things that happen in PhillySportsWorld.

Every Sunday this year, no matter how late I was out the night before, I manage to wake up before noon and get ready for the Eagles game. You think it’s easy chugging a beer every time the Eagles score a touchdown? Or eating a soft pretzel to help turn a double play?
Sometimes I get in a little over my head, like when I had to say, word for word, “Yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!” every time the Flyers were about to take a shot. Try casually slipping that into a conversation every few minutes.

I’m not complaining, though, because all the work I put into game days makes victory that much sweeter. It’s a tough job, but it’s mine, and somebody has to do it.
So, if you’ve ever felt like the fate of the Phillies extra-innings rally lies solely in your ability to consume a hot dog before each pitch, you can stop worrying and put that dog down. All the responsibility is mine, and I accept it.

The fate of our teams is in my hands; it’s a job I take seriously.


Oh, and furthermore, Susan, the byline read:

Robert Smyth is a senior English major at DeSales University and lives in Oreland.

Gotta represent.