Some Quick Thoughts on a Tuesday...

Why would the Eagles trade Donovan McNabb, one of the best players at the most valuable and hard-to-replace positions, for a linebacker - one of the positions the Eagles have historically shown they do not value?

It makes no sense. And there is absolutely no way that would ever happen?

So why write the article then, Don McKee?

Why?

I'm not sure why he wrote it, I guess to sell papers. But all it's going to do is place another log on the already burning fire that is McNabb's dissatisfaction with the Eagles and the city of Philadelphia.

If you want to see what happens next, after continuous personal and professional attacks against a person, go ahead and re-watch some Sixers seasons, circa 2002-present...and then note that Iverson is now playing in the pristine, Rocky-Mountain-cold environment of Colorado, and that he will probably never come back again.

Why does Philadelphia feel the need to drive every one of its superstars out of town?

Lindros, Rolen, Schmidt (kind of), Iverson... is McNabb next?

If not, it certainly wouldn't be for a lack of effort.

We freaking booed the guy when we drafted him.

Imagine being a recent college graduate, getting drafted into the NFL, your lifelong dream, and getting booed on national television?

Ouch.

From there it's been an endless barrage of his playing style (he runs too much/he doesn't run enough, he gets injured too much/he shouldn't play when he's hurt, etc...) to his personal life (his mom and dad are too involved, he is too polite (!), he wouldn't be as respected if he were white, etc..)

Donovan McNabb is the best Eagle we have had in my lifetime. Just like Iverson was the best Sixer.

When can we appreciate how good we have it and not argue over the little things that don't really matter?

And let me just ask this one question: Do you think Donovan McNabb will win a Super Bowl before he retires?

I do. I just hope it is as an Eagle.

One other quick thought (granted the last one wasn't quick): if you're not wearing novelty suspenders, why are you even wearing suspenders?

And furthermore, Susan if you drive a Prius, I don't think you need a bumper sticker saying 'Jesus Loves You' or 'I Hate Bush' or 'Stop the War'....trust us, we already know how you feel.


It's like a cow sporting a PETA tattoo...a little redundant.

Come back soon, there will (read: might) be a special Memorial Day issue.

Are You Selling Any Of That Gold?

Let's kick things off with a list, shall we?

It is my pleasure to introduce to you:

The 3 Comics of Note List (some living, one dead)...

...as always, in no particular order.

1. Jim Gaffigan

You may know him as the guy who got pulled over in Super Troopers and thought the cops were saying 'meow.' Or the guy from the Sierra Mist commercials who had cut-off jean shorts and I think some ridiculous kind of facial hair.

Something to do with a moustache/mullet I believe.

He also did Rolling Rock commercials.

Anyway, here are some quotes.

On Laziness:

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."

You ever got one thing to do all day but you just can't get yourself to do it? I gotta go to the post office ... but I'd probably have to put on pants. They're only open until 5. I'm going to have to do that next week."

On Sleep:

It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like..."I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?"But at night you're like..."La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode, that Kirk Cameron always in trouble."

On Seahorses:

I was watching Animal Planet, did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." "...the male has the baby. You're fired."

Next Up....

2. Zach Galifanikas

Out Cold, Comedians of Comedy, Reno 911! (occasionally)

He is the guy with the beard who plays the piano...

Yeah, I stand by that description.

Pretty random stuff that should probably be heard/seen.

Now, I'm not an impressionist, but I do have this character voice I've been working on I call "The Guy Who's *WAY* Too Into the 'Garfield' Movie". (clears throat, begins to speak effeminately) Oh, my GOD! Have you seen the GARFIELD movie? It's HI-LARIOUS! There's this part where he eats all this LASAGNA! Of course, Odie's up to HIS old tricks! (normal voice) Like I said, just something I'm working on.

This country is fucking dumb, why are people takin- this-…people with this bush administration all this shit going on, there should be a revolution happening….I would lead it but I just bought a hammock.

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night. So I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Yelling out, "Who's the Boss now!"

I like to use Axe bodyspray, but I live in a very black area of Brooklyn. Over there, they call it Ask. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist.

Finally, the dead guy.

3. Mitch Hedberg.

He is the king of one-liners...or was.

I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, only "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience."

Whenever I walk people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away."

I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No...but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I've done that way more.

I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown; there's nothing for 'em there.

That last one, I don't even know if it's a joke. But it is funny.

Anyway, that's as far as we're getting today.

You might be saying to yourself, "you just copy and pasted comedians' jokes, you didn't even write anything!"

Didn't I, though? Didn't I?

And furthermore, Susan, Oreland Bar Crawl this Saturday. Come on down!

Quick Hits on the Phils

Phils took two of three from the Cubbies this weekend. I caught the second game, and it was one of the more entertaining games I've been to in a while. There was like 6 different plays at the plate total, and most worked out for the Phils. Plus both teams scored 6 runs in the 7th inning. Also, there was a rain delay that lasted for over an hour.

Fact: When you are of age, rain delays are not bad at all.

The only negative things I have to say about the game: our third base coach needs to be fired. He held up Burrell at third when he could have scored, and then sent somebody else later on in that inning and they got nailed. It was almost like he was trying to make up for his first call by showing the fans that he does send people. It totally backfired. And, to top it off, Freddy Garcia went on to hit a stand-up double which would have scored the run anyway.

The other negative thing, Ryan Howard was placed on the 15 day DL. Not so bad, though. With a pulled muscle, rest is the only thing that works. So biting the bullet now could pay off, especially if it prevents a season long nagging injury.

One more thing about that Phils game, I love Sugar Shane Victorino, and I love plowing into the catcher, but if he slid he easily would have scored. Instead he went to make contact with the catcher and pretty much got himself out.

And furthermore, Susan, I feel pretty good about calling him Sugar Shane.

Those Phightin' Phils

OK, so the Phillies haven't exactly lit the league on fire...yet. But I do predict big things for them this year. Let me explain why.

First of all, they are notorious slow starters. What's the big deal? The MLB season is a marathon, not a sprint, and I would rather finish strong than start strong (unless finishing strong means going on a late-season tear to fall one game short of the playoffs...but that would never happen).

I think this year is no different, and doesn't need to be. We start slow, we break even by the All-Star break, and then we play real good baseball the second half.

What will be different is the outcome, since I believe we have enough talent to take care of business at the end of the year and actually make the playoffs (as you all know, something that hasn't happened since 1993).

The line-up is the big reason why I will be proven right. Their normal, everyday line-up is very solid. You've got some speedsters in Jimmy Rollins (heretofore known as J-Rollin' Blizzunts) and Victorino, big bats in Utley, Howard, and Burrell and a back of the order that has some veteran presence in Rowand and Helms as well as an upstart in Carlos Ruiz (plus when Cole Hamels is pitching, you've got another sweet swinging lefty in the line-up).

But the best part of the line-up is the diversity. Caucasians, Afro-Americans, Hispanics, Hawaiians...no, that's not what I'm talking about.

Witness the day game against San Fran when they rested Howard:

Victorino
Rowand
J-Rollin' Blizzunts
Utley
Burrell
Helms
Nunez
Barajas
Pitcher

Rowand has been on fire lately, and really fit in well in the 2-hole, and J-Roll is leading the NL in homers and fit in nicely batting third. So that's a great line-up.

Also witness the next game, when Helms started at third, Burrell in right and Barajas at catcher. Late in the game Burrell walked and Michael Bourn pinch-ran, stole second, stole third, and basically stole home (short pop-up where he tagged up and knocked the catcher's foot off the plate). Also, Nunez and Ruiz came in for defense/speed in that game as well. So we've got that late inning speed to add to the line-up and sure-handed fielders to protect leads.

You know it's gonna be clutch come playoff time.

You have to give Charlie Manuel some credit, and Pat Gillick. They have a very solid, versatile line-up that they can use to exploit match-ups all season long. And that can be so valuable come playoff time when each pitch is so important. Gillick put it together and Manuel is doing a nice job of getting guys in the game when they can be effective. For instance, he benched Victorino for a few games, which allowed Jayson Werth to get some playing time and not get rusty and/or dissatisfied (that is almost like Kobe being a distributor for 3 quarters to get his team in the game so they will have confidence down the stretch). When Victorino came back, he was red-hot, getting like 10 hits in the Giants series, including a home run, a stolen base or two, and the greatest defensive interference call of the season.

So I think this line-up is going to be able to do some damage this year.

All we need is the rotation to settle in (which I think will happen pretty soon now that Lieber is officially a starter and Freddy Garcia is building up some velocity on his fastball), and for the bullpen to get squared away (which has been, and probably will be, our achilles heel all season). If Myers becomes a stud closer, or Tom Gordon (he won't be known as Flash around here until he proves it) gets his groove back, and Madson returns to form, we get Matt Smith back up, and add a guy before the trade deadline, things will be looking good.

Now, that is a lot to rely on from the bullpen, and if we end up blowing games late in the year, I'm not gonna say I told you so. But I will be thinking it. And probably cursing to myself.

That's all I have to say about that.

And furthermore Susan, let's all just take a deep breath and ponder for one moment the entirity of the Ugueth Urbina situation. From the fact that we traded Placido Polanco when he could have played third instead of David Bell, to the fact that Polanco went on to win ALCS MVP and post the most ridiculous RISP numbers (something the Phillies suck at) to the fact that the player we got out of the deal is now serving time in a freaking South American prison for attempted murder with gasoline and/or machetes....just think about that, please for one moment. I say good riddance. I never could pronounce his name anyway.

1st Annual Spring has Sprung Edition

Over here at And Furthermore Susan, we know a thing or two about a thing or two. We know that Dhani Jones was much better at making bowties and writing poetry than he was at making tackles in the flat, we know that Brett Myers will eventually be the closer of the Phillies, we know that the Sixers are better off with the confidence they got from winning than with the possible lottey pick they would get from losing, and we know that, finally, in our little corner of this world, spring has finally sprung.

It is a Tuesday afternoon in the universe, specifically the first day of May, and I have just finished mowing the lawn. In my book, that is known as the official first day of spring. Nothing like a good lawn mow to really get things started. Of all the chores and jobs out there, that is one that I can actually tolerate. It is outdoors, you feel like you're actually doing something productive/worthwhile/healthy, and there is immediate satisfaction...and I mean immediate. The second you finish your lawn looks awesome, and you can go inside, pour a tall Arnold Palmer, and enjoy the view.

Speaking of Arnold Palmers, they definitely go on the list of signs of spring. Of course, the list isn't readily available right now, but trust me, they are on it. And for those of you who don't know, an AP is half lemonade half iced tea. Personally I like to put in about 60% iced tea, follow that up with lemonade almost to the top, and then add another splash of iced tea at the top. But that's just me.

Also to do with spring, I went disc golfing for the first time this year. Played French Creek State Park, not a bad course, and actually shot pretty well, while ruining my Starburys (though I can always go pick up a fresh pair for the cost of a buy-one get-one Parliament deal).

I predict a very good disc golf season. For me and for the sport. It looks like it's starting to get some attention. If you have Comcast OnDemand, you can actually watch events on your TV (click on Sports and then More Sports), and the current third-ranked player in the world, Dave Feldberg, will be on the Conan O'Brien show this Wednesday.

Not bad, I say.

At this point, work or school or whatever you got going always seems to play second fiddle. The time you are there you feel like is just a brief stop before you are back out there in the world, doing what you do. Normally I would just skip classes, but now that I am a part of the Real World (not the show, something much worse that you will soon find out about if you don't know already), I am a little worried about what is going to happen. Is spring fever a valid excuse to miss work? I hope so.

In honor of spring, let me toss out this little gem of a song by G. Love, which is a good goodbye-winter tune, entitled When We Meet Again. It's available on Yeah, It's That Easy for purchase
or to be legally downloaded on the Intenet.

Speaking of legally downloading music, here is a quick joke:

Q: How are sex and music alike?

A: For every one person paying for it, a hundred are getting it for free.

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week.

Try the fish.

Oh, and furthermore, susan, here is another download for you - Thou Shalt Always Kill, by Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip. I recommend at least checking out the video on YouTube.