My first fantasy football draft of the year takes place in about a half hour.
That's right, my first...because you have to specify these days.
I'm in 3 leagues this year.
Didn't even plan for that to happen, it just kind of did.
I have a feeling 3 is too many.
2 would be OK, although up to this point I've only been in 2 in my entire life (one of which I won).
I can see myself either giving about 75% effort to all three, or maybe 100% effort to one, casual glances at another, and the cold shoulder to the third.
Which is not a good strategy, but I can't bail at this point.
So 3 it is.
Hopefully I don't bail on any, because it can be a long season.
Last year I was battling among 4th, 5th, and 6th place, made the playoffs as the #4 seed, then went on to beat LJ in the playoffs and LT in our championship.
Not a bad day's work for a guy who got stuck up at Penn State because of Ernesto, missed the live draft, and got stuck w/ Dominick Davis as my #1 running back.
Thank you, free agent rookies Joseph Addai and Maurice Jones-Drew (MoJo for short).
Anyway, the funniest part about fantasy is that every guy likes to talk about their team, and every guy hates hearing about somebody else's team.
Who the f- does this guy think he is?
I will say to myself, as a friend tells me how they picked up a great free agent, or got screwed by an injury or back-up running back.
Why does he think I care about his stupid league and his retarded fantasy players?
Then I will patiently wait until a pause in his story so I can say,
Oh yeah, listen to this, I had Darrell Jackson last week and he caught an 80-yard pass only to get tackled at the 1, then my opponent's RB got the touchdown!
I mean, pretty good story, right?
If it happened to you, you would be bragging.
Or crying, or whatever it is we do with our fantasy stories.
But please, if it does happen to you, spare me the details.
I've got better things to talk about.
Like the time Chicago's defense single-handedly won a fantasy game for me but lost a bet I had made on the Cardinals.
Oh, and furthermore, Susan, don't ever bet on the Cardinals!
One quick tip before I go: Fresh running backs in fresh jerseys (T. Henry, W. McGahee).
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Holy Diver!
If I'm in line for a beer at a Phillies game, with my back to the action, and I hear Dirty Laundry come on, I know exactly what is happening.
Pat Burrell is thinking about new ways to strike out.
When those first few guitar notes from Kashmir start playing, I know Chase Utley is up, and I like our chances.
Same too with the latest hot-to-deaf rap single, because I know that either Jimmy Rollins or Ryan Howard is batting.
And that, right there, is one of the best parts about going to a baseball game: listening to each player's at-bat music.
You can really tell a lot about a person by their entrance music.
For instance, J-Roll and Howard both come out to the latest hits, but I bet J-Roll specifically asks for certain songs, whereas Howard just asks for whatever is hot.
And I can guarantee that when Utley was interrupted from his pre-, or post, or off-season routine, that he quickly, and with zero nonsense, answered "Kashmir. Every time. Never ask me again."
What makes Pat Burrell so damn lovable, other than his penchant for striking out swinging and looking, is his song choice. For the longest time it was Holy Diver, which is just a totally ridiculous selection.
He finally changes, and picks Dirty Laundry.
I mean, what the hell was going through his head?
Maybe he was out at a bar or just hanging at some stripper's apartment during the off-season and he heard that song for the first time.
I can totally see that moment blowing him away.
Picture Pat in his element, drinking beers, laughing and having a good time, when Dirty Laundry comes on the iPod and he hears the song for the very first time.
It just totally stops him in his tracks and he thinks to himself: this is the greatest song in the history of the world.
Then, when he shows up to spring training, and other players are unloading their equipment and gear and important papers and stuff, pat just has one thing, a hand-scrawled note on a napkin that says "change song to dirty laundery."
He just looks at it and nods.
It's going to be a good year.
It takes hard work to be the most overpaid player in major league baseball.
Anyway, tons of other players have good songs and good reasons for their selection (sometimes)
I'm not going to go into some examples, but I will say that Michael Myers comes out to the Halloween music, Ken Griffey comes out to Ridin' Dirty by Cha'millionaire, and some guy comes out to the Sanford and Son theme music.
But what would you come out to?
Obvious answer is Hell's Bells or Enter Sandman.
Those are perfect, especially for a closer, but they have already been taken and you need to choose a song that has never been used before.
Next obvious answer would be Why Can't We Be Friends.
Because that would be funny.
But there's gotta be some songs that are just made for this type of thing, and I would like to think of one.
Ummm.......
....
...
...
Ballroom Blitz?
I Wanna Get High?
I Walk the Line?
No, I think Pat already nailed it.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
People love it when you lose,
they love dirty laundry.
And furthermore susan, i coulda been an actor, but i wound up here, just have to look good, i dont have to be clear. come and whisper in our ear give us dirty laundry.
dirty little secrets dirty little lies we got our dirty little fingers in everybods pie we love to cut you down to size we love dirty laundry.
Pat Burrell is thinking about new ways to strike out.
When those first few guitar notes from Kashmir start playing, I know Chase Utley is up, and I like our chances.
Same too with the latest hot-to-deaf rap single, because I know that either Jimmy Rollins or Ryan Howard is batting.
And that, right there, is one of the best parts about going to a baseball game: listening to each player's at-bat music.
You can really tell a lot about a person by their entrance music.
For instance, J-Roll and Howard both come out to the latest hits, but I bet J-Roll specifically asks for certain songs, whereas Howard just asks for whatever is hot.
And I can guarantee that when Utley was interrupted from his pre-, or post, or off-season routine, that he quickly, and with zero nonsense, answered "Kashmir. Every time. Never ask me again."
What makes Pat Burrell so damn lovable, other than his penchant for striking out swinging and looking, is his song choice. For the longest time it was Holy Diver, which is just a totally ridiculous selection.
He finally changes, and picks Dirty Laundry.
I mean, what the hell was going through his head?
Maybe he was out at a bar or just hanging at some stripper's apartment during the off-season and he heard that song for the first time.
I can totally see that moment blowing him away.
Picture Pat in his element, drinking beers, laughing and having a good time, when Dirty Laundry comes on the iPod and he hears the song for the very first time.
It just totally stops him in his tracks and he thinks to himself: this is the greatest song in the history of the world.
Then, when he shows up to spring training, and other players are unloading their equipment and gear and important papers and stuff, pat just has one thing, a hand-scrawled note on a napkin that says "change song to dirty laundery."
He just looks at it and nods.
It's going to be a good year.
It takes hard work to be the most overpaid player in major league baseball.
Anyway, tons of other players have good songs and good reasons for their selection (sometimes)
I'm not going to go into some examples, but I will say that Michael Myers comes out to the Halloween music, Ken Griffey comes out to Ridin' Dirty by Cha'millionaire, and some guy comes out to the Sanford and Son theme music.
But what would you come out to?
Obvious answer is Hell's Bells or Enter Sandman.
Those are perfect, especially for a closer, but they have already been taken and you need to choose a song that has never been used before.
Next obvious answer would be Why Can't We Be Friends.
Because that would be funny.
But there's gotta be some songs that are just made for this type of thing, and I would like to think of one.
Ummm.......
....
...
...
Ballroom Blitz?
I Wanna Get High?
I Walk the Line?
No, I think Pat already nailed it.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
People love it when you lose,
they love dirty laundry.
And furthermore susan, i coulda been an actor, but i wound up here, just have to look good, i dont have to be clear. come and whisper in our ear give us dirty laundry.
dirty little secrets dirty little lies we got our dirty little fingers in everybods pie we love to cut you down to size we love dirty laundry.
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